Hey friends. Welcome back to Unmasking the Heart for Change, where we dive into real stories behind transformation, one, heart to heart at a time. I'm your host, Tammy Winstead, and I'm so thankful that you are here with us today.
As someone who has experienced the loss of pregnancy, today's episode is especially close to my heart. Today we're speaking with someone whose life work is rooted in loss, yet overflowing with purpose.
Rebecca Propst has turned her own personal grief into a powerful mission of hope and healing for others. As the Founder and Executive Director of Local Impact, a nonprofit that works alongside families who have experienced the unimaginable loss of a baby.
Rebecca offers comfort, connection, and a path forward. And if that weren't enough, she also serves as a forensic interview specialist with the NEA, children's Advocacy Center offering care to children in some of their most vulnerable moments.
You're going to want to lean into this conversation today. It's raw, it's real, and it's a reminder of the healing that begins when we finally simply show up.
Rebecca, I'm so honored to have you here with us today. You've been described as a voice of compassion and strength, both in your work and in your personal journey. Before we dive in, can you tell our listeners a little bit about you, who you are behind the titles and the roles?
Yes. Thank you so much for having me. I'm excited to be here today. My name is Rebecca Propst and I'm the executive director of Local Mpact here in Jonesboro. We serve families all over northeast Arkansas, so it's not just here, but it is local and we help people constantly every single day that are experienced infant loss.
So it is a great opportunity, for people like myself and our board members. We've all experienced loss, just like you said, it's close to your heart. I know that you've experienced loss as well, and so we are just, available. That's really the biggest thing, is just being available to these families.
And that can be the next day, that can be months down the road or even years. I mean, some people, myself included, I just wasn't the best, grieving person, really in the time that I thought it should happen. But it is just such a special time to be able to walk these journeys, with these people, in the, in their gosh, darkest, hardest moments.
And to walk through that and then to really. Walk their happiest moments too. A lot of people that experience grief of an infant, whether that be in, you know, 12 week gestation or, gosh, they've brought the baby home and now it's a SID'S case or it's a 1-year-old in a house fire. Things like that.
Just the most tragic things you could ever, think of with these newborn babies. But we meet them where they are at on their journey, that's who we help. And it's not just husband and wives, a lot of people, if you google infant loss, it'll say one in four women.
Mm-hmm.
And I love being able to go back and correct those things and say it's one in four families.
You know, it's not just mom that experienced the loss, it's. The dad, it's siblings, that are already in the home. It's grandparents that just had a gender reveal or had a baby shower. Multiple baby showers, the sister that comes in and helps with, putting the nursery together. It's so many people involved, that experience grief when there is that infant loss.
So really just walking with these people, showing up on their doorstep with a meal. If they wanna talk, great. We come inside. If they don't wanna talk, we drop and we go. Helping with headstones, funeral expenses, just really anything they need in that moment. And people that call years later that say, Hey, I never dealt with this grief.
I'm so glad that there is somebody I can talk to now. My marriage is suffering. The kids in the home are suffering. Who can we talk to? And we have so many resources that we can provide. We don't do it all. You know, we're not the counselors, we're not the therapist. We, do not do, a lot of this stuff.
We don't hand out babies. New and adoption, we don't do that. But we know a lot of people in our community that do. And so we're able to provide all of those resources.
And it's something different when someone comes in that gets it.
yes,
When you're talking to someone that gets it, it makes it completely different. It's a different conversation. It's easier conversation. You're on the same level.
Yes. As soon as I, am able to talk about our daughter, that we lost and things like that, I will just say her name and people will light up and be like, man, okay, she's been here. In these moments, I can cry. It. It provides that safe space immediately when they know that you've experienced it yourself.
Right. Well, so many people see the work you do now, but I'd love to start with the why behind it all. Sometimes the strongest missions are born from the Tenderest places, and I know that's true for you. So let's unmasks that. What led you to create local impact? How did your own experience with infant loss shape that journey?
And I would like for you to share also about the name, how
you did the name.
It is, it's all a God thing. I could not talk about her five years ago. I could not breathe her name. There was nothing I could say or do that would not come with a lot of tears. But we were in a position, when we had her, where we really didn't have a lot of support because we were out of town.
Mm-hmm. We delivered her in Branson, Missouri. And then there was a lot of health complications with me, myself, that they had to transfer me to Springfield, Missouri. And through all of that, moving around being out of town, not having your doctor, not having your normal nurses. Of who I was used to and who I was familiar with.
That is, it was a big deal and I really felt alone sitting in that hospital room, when you're going through all of these things that I was going through with health, with health situations and, losing her and then having to have a hysterectomy right after an emergency hysterectomy where I had no idea what was going on.
I was so out of it. I did not have the capacity to make a phone call or someone to call me or someone to show up at the hospital. Things like that, we were not able to do that. And so really, through the grieving process, it just wasn't. It wasn't normal. I don't, I would, it's hard to say normal 'cause there's really no normal in grieving, but I really struggled with that.
Who to talk to, who had been, who had gone through this. I really thought, honestly, I thought in that moment I was the only one that had lost a baby.
absolutely. Right.
Nobody talked about it. It was so taboo years ago. You know, your grandmother, there wasn't laws and regulations of what happens after you lose a baby.
You, you hear the word lab or you hear the word, removal or whatever. And so you didn't, nobody really recognized an 18 weeker or a 14 weeker or, you know, a 30 weeker people, that are now in their sixties, their fifties or seventies. They didn't have the opportunity to hold their baby after, or, really get to spend that time with that baby before they're discharged.
And so all of these things that are new now, with technology, with laws, and regulations on what is to be done, you know, there is a funeral, there is a process and. So now people that are older in the, you know, a different generation, they are very much like, man, I wish that I would've had that time with him or her, or, I wish someone would have acknowledged this baby or wish I would've had the opportunity to have a funeral.
All the things that we just do now in infant loss, they didn't have that opportunity. So as I'm talking to families, you will have a grandmother that walks up or a grandfather that walks up and says, man, I didn't get the opportunity to grieve and go through that. People just moved on with their life and moved on with their day.
It was just something else to go through. So it, Local Mpact gives a safe space, whether you're 60 years old or 35 years old, whatever. To be able to talk about this and really dive deep into how you're feeling, how you're navigating this loss, and really what that's doing in your home. If your marriage is on the brink, because now you're grieving as a female, heavily and your husband now is having to go back to work, right?
And so really trying to make sure that the husband is giving the help that he needs and we're not just sweeping it under the rug. I was a sweep it under the rug girl. I had to, I was in bad health. I, you know, I've had this, I've gone through the loss. So I'm grieving, but then I've had a hysterectomy that was an emergency hysterectomy when I had lots of plans for many multiple kids.
That now has been taken from me. And then. You wake up with all this pain and now my appendix has ruptured, and so I'm back in the hospital again. And so through all of these things, I just wasn't grieving. And when the grieving comes later, who do you turn to? So with local impact, it's a great, opportunity to serve people in this realm at any stage of grief.
And so that's really where this came about and how I was actually in a space where I was working with families the day of, the day before the day of, the day after. But mom, you know, whether she's heavily medicated from pain or she's just really not in the head space to make decisions or whatever, so then you're relying on dad.
But then you see patients that don't have that support. They don't, their dad is not involved or mom, you know, which would be grandma of the baby. She's no longer living. I mean, so there's various. Things that happened the day of. And so, you know, we just kind of came together, a lot of us to decide like, these people need help after they get home.
What do we do after they get home? So helping them the day of and the day after that is wonderful and that is such a need too. But now it's like we can kind of work hand in hand where okay, y'all get them and love on them and hug them while they're in that space and then we'll pop over and we'll help them once they get home.
And if they need a meal or if they have a meal train started and then now they may need something else. Their child just needs to go to Ultimate Air or whatever and have a day out, we can pay for that. Where the financial part is not a burden. 'cause you know, that's like something we talked about earlier.
You're getting bill after bill, after Bill. And so it's another slap in the face where you're having to grieve all over again. 'cause now we're having to pay for this and we're not, we're not able to afford certain things because. We are not at 30 years old, 25 years old, 40 years old, planning funerals, right?
That is not what we're doing. If we're doing that, it's with our 95-year-old grandmother, not with our newborn baby, especially if there's a house fire, a car wreck. Just the unimaginable that you wake up the next morning and now you have a SIDS case who helps with that? You have your police department that does a wonderful job.
They have wonderful resources. But what happens next? And so that's where we step in and it's a beautiful thing. It's a hard thing, to do and to carry grief like this. But, it gives me purpose. It shows me exactly what I'm supposed to do and to be able to say Marley's name in a safe spot and that we've talked about purpose and, what that looks like for me.
Because like I said before, I could not even. Say her name, and now I can say it loudly and boldly and say, you know what, this is what I've been through and I can own this. And all of our board members and our supporters, they've been through it too. And no one has to walk around carrying this alone. And that's really our biggest thing.
And your, your logo, I love because it has the big M Yeah. In honor of her and is spelt impact so that she's always at the forefront of everything you do.
yes. Yeah gave her life and our logo. It's so crazy. Our logo, is so designed for all of the things that we do. The guy that did, I, I had just said, Hey, I get, gosh, I gave him like 10 things. I'm like, can you just put all that in one? And he is like, oh my gosh. Okay.
Challenge accepted. And when I tell you he blew it out of the water, when I saw it, I'm like, we're done. He's like, no edits. I'm like, none. None. The, the M stands for Marley and Impact, so there's no I in impact. I hope that that is carried on for years and years and years, even after I'm no longer. But, really, so the, I'm from Memphis originally, and the m how it's a wave in the logo, that's like the Memphis Bridge, so there's a lot of that going on.
That's still one of my very favorite places to be. And then if you turn the logo sideways, it's a pregnant woman, and so you can see the belly. I know, I know. And the colors are, designed for the year and the month that she was born and things like that. So every single thing in this logo, it is packed full of meaning.
And so I love being able to talk about the logo and just say everything has a purpose in the logo, down to the people, down to where we go and what we do. There's just, oh, I'll just love it so much.
Well, can you share a moment when you realized that your pain could be transformed into this purpose?
Gosh. Yes, there, there is a, huge moment. It was a breaking point of me sitting on my couch and I had a child at home. You know, I had my son and I just thought,
old was he at this time?
Okay, so he was about three and you know, like moving and grooving, running around crazy. Like at the time where I realized I have to be a mom.
Yes, I have to get off of this couch. I'll never forget it. It was literally a moment where sitting on the couch, the TV's on. I have no idea where anybody else is at. I'm in my own little world. Dunno what was on the tv, was not listening to the tv. I couldn't even tell you what it was, what it was talking about, and.
I just, I, I have just prayed and prayed and prayed to find myself again. You know, you never move on from grief, but at some point you have to move forward. And just to have a place where, just have that moment where you're like, I have to get up. I have to get up, I have to do something. I have to go outside.
We always talk about with our families that doing one thing a day is enough. If you have one thing a day, if that is going outside, literally stepping outside, you don't have to do anything else. Just step outside. Then you're, then you're succeeding in this. And so just to figure out your way of keeping going.
But the, the moment, I'll never forget it, sitting on that couch going, I am either going to wither away in this couch and I will die right here, or. I have to get up, I have to be a parent. I have to be a wife. Mm-hmm. I need to figure out how to go back to work. I was in an industry, working with kids and so now I'm, I was big and pregnant.
Mm-hmm. We had had our gender reveal at the gym with all of these kids present. So I was trying to figure out how am I gonna go back to work and what kid is gonna come to me first and go, where is she at? Where's the baby, whatever. And I just didn't know how I was gonna handle that. So anyway, in that one moment, I'm like, get up, get dressed, take a shower.
That was one of the hardest things in grief, was to take a shower. Being able to dry your hair. There was no makeup, there was no nothing. You just were barely functioning. But I did it. I got up and that was my moment of. I gotta get back to, I just gotta get back to some normalcy. And I did. And that was really the last time I was like in the trenches.
so what has surprised you most about this work?
Oh goodness. A lot. I feel like I'm being surprised all the time. The way our community. Comes together in this work is mind blowing. The support that we have from this community, because when we were talking about one in four, some, pretty much everybody, if you have a room full of people, nine outta 10 have raised their hand, that they've been affected by infant loss.
So pretty much our entire community has been affected in some capacity with infant loss. I don't wanna say it's like a total surprise 'cause I love this community, but the way people have stepped up and helped and given time and their money and just a share on Facebook. I mean, I have people back from high school, people I haven't seen in 10 years that will share whatever it is that we're doing or try to encourage people to come to our events.
Because, you know, it's a constant battle of fundraising to be able to keep this nonprofit afloat. But our community has really stepped up, and. The way our resources have come together is just mind boggling on, okay, you can help with this therapy services. And then, oh, okay, now she's unavailable.
So we're gonna bop over to here, this therapist and people are giving their talents and their time and what they're so good at for free, for absolutely free. I know you've done that yourself. You know, I know with you, we, we had that event last year with Homers for Hope, and you gave the awards. I mean, I don't wanna say surprise 'cause nothing surprises me, about our community and the people that, that just have so much love to give.
And like you said, you know, finding this purpose, that has been just so mind blowing. That, and I have a love for adoption and, you know, we have been blessed in our hope story with adoption, with our daughter and. Now I have a love for adoption for other families. And so something that has also been just so mind blowing is that, you know, when you walk these journeys with these people in their darkest moments and then now they're like, I really don't wanna do that again.
I don't want to take the risk of a pregnancy or this and that. Or you have somebody that's doing IVF treatments or that is now going to adopt through those resources that we have hooked these people up with to say, Hey, I cannot help you with that, but she can, or I can't help you with that. Or he can, in whatever capacity that is, really just some highlights.
I know that's not even close to what all I could say, but just the love for the resources and the people in our community is just exceptional.
Right. So what has been one of the biggest challenges you've faced as a leader in this space?
Gosh, okay. Challenge, I would have to say carrying your own grief, but helping others in their grief. You know, you really have to be careful and create a safe space for yourself. You get really busy and really wrapped up into helping others, and you kind of let yourself fall to the wayside.
That has always been a problem for me, even before grief, before the loss of Marley. I just, I'm very good at helping and doing, and I'm a yes person, and so the challenging part is having to say no sometimes, and not feeling bad about it. But yeah, really, I love helping others and I love.
Especially helping others in grief. But really just making sure that I have that safe space for myself too. And letting other people know that even though we are helping others, especially on our board. Yes. You're planning the meals. Yes. You're gathering the flowers. Yes. You're doing this, you're making the phone calls, but y'all make sure I just said this at our board meeting last night, make sure that we are checking on each other, because we can't put our grief to the side.
It, ours still exists too, and some people on our board are one year post or five years post, you know, not very long into this journey. And I'm like, just really make sure we're taking care of ourselves too. So I would say that's probably one of the biggest challenges.
Well, you've walked with families during their darkest hours. What does it mean to hold space for someone in grief?
Oh. You know, it's just different grieving people. We, we are changed. We are forever changed. People that have buried a child are forever changed. It does not matter if it's 13 week gestation or an 8-year-old. It really doesn't matter. That's not how this should go. And so when we're creating this space, for someone that is grieving, it is, it becomes natural.
When we are together, we, as in grieving people, to be able to tell our story or to say their name without hesitation. It's not weird. It's not, you know, there's no timeline on this. People that haven't experienced loss after so much time think that grieving people should be at this point of the timeline, and that is just not true.
There is no. There's really no timeline or where you should be or whatnot. The only thing that's passing is, years, or weeks or months or whatever. But it doesn't mean that people should be at a certain stage. And also I get a lot of times when you're talking safe space, there's a lot of people that come to me and say, well, I was only 12 weeks, or I was only 16 weeks.
If the baby didn't have a name or they didn't know the gender or whatever, they feel like they have to minimize what they're experiencing. And what people don't understand is that yes, she may have had a 12 week loss, she may not have even been showing it, and things like that. People don't walk around with a sign on their chest and say, we were doing IVF for $50,000 for an entire year, and I was taking shot after shot after shot, and I was pregnant for 12 weeks.
Or, you know, there's a couple that's been trying for five years and now all of a sudden they're in their first ever pregnancy. And so when you give them that space, that safe space to be like, we don't have to say only we, we can say I was 12 weeks pregnant. You know, I know their stories, I know what they've been going through.
I know that they've been trying, I know that, you know, I've seen a failed adoption. I've seen, IVF treatments that failed. I've seen all of these things. And I heard a story the other day and this, this girl has been doing IVF and no baby at home, no child at home. And she was pregnant with twins through IVF treatment and she lost them both.
So it is. And she was early on. But the thing is, there is no timeline. There's no timeline to say your loss is more important than the other. And so with grieving people, that gives them that safe space. 'cause we are forever changed. We'll never forget these moments. And that's just why it's so important for us, to have, to create that space for these people.
Right. So how do you honor the babies and the families without trying to fix their pain?
Oh yeah. There's no fixing not at and grieving people are with each other are really good. About being honest and open. So I was thinking about this a while ago and the other question that, you know, we, when I say we've changed and we're different. It is one of those things that nothing really bothers us anymore.
People are always like, you're so chill, you're so whatever. You're so easy, you're so happy. Well, things just don't ruffle feathers with grieving people anymore 'cause they've been through so much for so long that when they do come forward and like, move forward in their grief, if, you know, the, the meal in the oven is burned, we just take it out and start over.
Like, we just don't get bent outta shape about much. And people ask me that all the time. They're like, you know, how do you do this? How do you do that? And I'm like, I just, things just don't bother me anymore because I was so bothered and I was so hurt and I was so upset, so mad. That now I'm just like, there's really not much more to, I'm like, whatever.
I.
So in your own grief journey, do you ever feel the pressure to move on when you were still just barely holding on?
Oh yeah, absolutely. But that's not really a real feeling that I have. That's more of a feeling that the world thinks that you should do so. But when you're in that space, you do feel that pressure, to what I should be dealing with. And I had such health complications that six months later I still hadn't even dealt with the loss of my child.
I mean, we were in Springfield with my emergency hysterectomy for so long that we even had to deal with a funeral a month later. Like there was no normal timeline for me. So by the time we buried her and went through the surgery, and then another surgery, and then another surgery in March, this has all been going on since November.
That's whenever she passed, was in November, and I'm still having surgeries in March That. No, I, I never grieved at the beginning. I don't wanna say never. I mean, it was definitely there, but it was just not normal stuff going on. So yeah, the pressure of the world, whenever my surgeries were over and I did feel better and, you know, I was like, woo, okay, now I can think straight.
Definitely started grieving and by that time people thought I should already be over it. And I, I say it all the time, there is never an over it. It doesn't matter what you've lost, there's never an over it ever. I mean, even my granny, like I, she was like my favorite person on the planet Earth and losing my granny grieving over that, I'm still not over it.
I was 12 years old. So if this podcast, you know, reaches the right person that hasn't, actually experienced loss, it is a wonderful opportunity for you to realize, you know. There is no timeline, what to say, what not to say, and just some things to help that. That friend or that family member that is going through that.
How has your own healing evolved over the years through this work that you're doing now?
Oh, I say it all the time. I'm like, this heals me. It literally heals me. There's really not much to say other than it just does when you show up for other people and you get to do what was not done for you type thing. It's so rewarding. It's so healing, to say her name in a safe space where people aren't looking at me sideways.
I will never, ever forget once I realized and remembered the one person, because remember back then, I'm like, nobody has experienced this. I felt all alone. Like there was nobody on the planet Earth that had lost a baby. That's what I thought. Because you're so deep
Right, right.
But I'll never forget the, I was like, oh my gosh, I have this friend.
It just finally came to me and I called her and she had experienced infant loss, and it was a traumatic, it was so tragic, what she had experienced. And I just picked with phone and called her and I was like, I'm not okay. Like, I don't know what is going on with me and in my head space, but I'm not okay.
And she talked to me for, I don't even know how long, she gave me that space to just talk and just be present with somebody that, had gone through it to know I wasn't alone. And that one phone call, the one phone call helped. And, and now looking back, I'm like, man. That's why I'm so excited to do this for other people.
'cause I needed that person and she was my person. But yeah, I just have such a bond with these people. We do not say we're friends. We said this last night, we're like, we are family now. It's a different kind of love for people, each other that are grieving. And so it is so healing. It, I can't even, it's almost undescribable how healing it is to be in this space.
And, just to say her name freely. right. Again, back to the You get it. Yeah. You meet someone in their space and you get it and you said those words that were the three hardest words for me to say. I mentioned on a previous podcast, I'm not, mm-hmm. It's so hard to say those words out loud to another person. And when I finally did that, I thought, what was I afraid of? Like, why was I so afraid not to say these words out loud? It's okay to not be okay. Yeah. Talk to somebody about
Yeah. Well, and everybody has, has issues going on, like everybody, so, and it can be anything. Right. But that's why I was, you know, therapy is for everybody. Yeah. I think everybody needs a therapist. Yeah. Yeah. And it could literally just be like, just a vent of nothing.
Right. But I just, I love this space and yeah, just really having that person to talk to or whatever. And, and like you said, you know, putting it out there, and I was not a crier. I was so tough. I miss independent, like, play the song, do the things like I was it, that was me. And so to be so fragile and frail in those moments of, you know, I owned a business and when I tell you I.
I felt like I was a businesswoman. I did not have time for this. You know, like, and so I really struggled with that. I really struggled with the tears and just the, just being so fragile. 'cause that was not my style, that was not my personality. And so that was hard. That was very hard to, just to admit to myself like, this is not going very well and I gotta do something.
So what's something you wish more people understood about the grieving process, particularly after the loss of a baby?
would, oh gosh. What to say, what to say, what not to say. People need a space where there's not a lot of talking. There is no fixing it. Right. And I, and I'm, I, say this, we're all in the same boat. I do the same thing. I have to really be careful with what I'm saying. To different people in anything really, but, yeah, really what not to say.
And a lot of times people don't really need you to say anything. They just need you to sit with them present. Yep. And if you do not say a word for 30 minutes, we just don't talk. Right. We just don't talk. We watch a show. If we eat and we hang out and we don't even talk about loss, we don't talk about the baby.
A lot of people wanna do that. Right. And some people don't. It can go either way. Right. If somebody is really just talking, talking, talking, and is really enjoying that time with you to be able to open up and talk about their baby, what they experienced, things like that, they don't have to have a response.
Mm-hmm. You know, there is a place and a time and. You can say things like, I'm so sorry. Man, I I hate that you are experiencing this. I hate that you're going through this, but there is no fix it moments, older people, older generations, they definitely are the fix it people, because there are sweet little grandmother or sweet mom or whoever that wants to step in and really fix this and give us this great advice.
And, and they, everybody means right? For If you are going to a person that you trust and care about to talk about this with, just know that's enough for you to know they feel comfortable here and they're vulnerable. Let them be vulnerable. If it, they wanna pray, let's pray. If they wanna sit in silence, let's sit in silence if they wanna talk, but they do not have to have a response.
So that's really the biggest thing is, saying nothing at all is the biggest blessing to a lot of people.
And then if tomorrow they've talked about it all they can today and then tomorrow they don't wanna speak a word of it. That's okay too.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. just because they're not talking about doesn't mean they're burying it just, you have, when you're ready talk and when you're not, you're not give them the space to not
Yep. I get a lot of phone calls that say, do you think she's okay? Do you think he's okay? And I'm like, yes, absolutely. You know, and I can send a text and check in and we do that all the time. But just because they're not answering the phone or answering the door does not mean, this big worldly event that we need to call in the troops for.
It's okay. When we deliver meals, 99% of the time we drop them at the door and we leave. People think they need to visit or if I just drop it and leave, they're gonna think I don't really care about 'em. 'cause I didn't stay and talk. They don't want you to stay and talk anyway. You know, I tell 'em all the time.
I'm like, just drop and go. Drop and go. I promise when they're ready to talk they will. And they do. They do. I did. Really anybody experiencing it will.
And you talked earlier when we were talking, you said there were times people called you, you didn't answer. Oh, yeah.
Oh yeah. A lot
And there were times you got text. But just seeing the calls and seeing the text, even though you aren't ready to respond yet meant everything.
Oh, yeah. Because it means you're on my mind. Mm-hmm. And I care about you. Yeah. That's speaks volumes.
absolutely.
Absolutely. So, well, the work you're doing is extremely impactful because so few people talk about the middle of their grief journey.
We often hear about the beginning when the loss is fresh, or the healed version that comes later. But that messy middle, that's where people tend to live. tend to live. It's where you're still crying in the shower, where a laughter feels like betrayal. And life feels painfully normal and unbearably changed all at the same time.
And since we know grief isn't linear, I'd like to unmask what that in-between really looks like. So what does grief actually look like at the six month or a year or when everyone else has moved on? 'cause you said that yours didn't even start until six months, so Yeah. Yeah. So in a normal, like, you know, you go home, you've had the loss at the hospital, and then you go home, everybody's at your house. Family is in, people have flown in, people have started meal trained, right? Everybody is there. Six months later, everybody's gone back to work.
Maybe you've gone back to work. Maybe you have a really stickler as an employer, and you just need some time in the bathroom to get it all out and come back and regroup. Maybe you have an employer that doesn't appreciate those things. You know, there's so many variables in that six month or that year mark, but the biggest thing is what are we going to do next as a couple?
First is our marriage, strong and healthy at this point? Because women and men grieve differently, right? And so you're really just trying to get your bearings in 10 different areas. But the biggest is. What do we do next? What are we gonna do? Are we gonna try again? Are we gonna, you know, you have IVF people that need assistance that have to go drive to Little Rock, drive to Memphis.
What does that look like? You have somebody like me that's had a hysterectomy but wants eventually for my son to have a sibling. Is that, you know, what does that look like? Are we gonna adopt, are we, what are we gonna do? And people really struggle in those moments. 'cause at the beginning, day one and week one and month one, you're in shock.
You are in total shock. You have no idea. Your head is spinning, like what is going on? There's no normalcy. Your bills are coming in your medical bills. So it's like just over and over and over you're getting hit. But when the dust kind of settles and you're in that year. Or six month, or really not six months, really about a year.
And you're just trying to figure out what to do next. That is really the most challenging time. And so that's a lot of times that's when we help the most people. Right.
Ours was early on, we were early, we were not even trying. So it was a surprise. So by the time we realized we're pregnant, we're. Wait, what? That's not what, we weren't trying for this, but then we experienced the loss processed on from that.
We ended up having a second miscarriage and that one caused me to hemorrhage. So I was in the hospital for a little bit and you know, emergency, DNC, all the things come back home. One of the things that I'll say for months, like I was grieving, but it was my body.
Mm-hmm.
And as a woman, I didn't even think about my husband grieving as well, and he didn't wanna bring it up because it was a topic, like it was a shock for us to find out we were pregnant.
And then whenever we found out we were lost and then we lost again. It was like, what is going on? Found out I had health complications. All those things unfolded, but one of the things that we did was we named the babies. Mm-hmm. We didn't know what they were and what it, the sex, gender was that we were so early on, but that helped us give the baby a presence that you existed in our lives.
yes.
We believe that we will see 'em again one of these days.
That's right. Yeah. And I love when people do that. They give their baby a name even if they weren't sure of the gender. It does give purpose, to that life that way. You can think about that, celebrate that, moment because as soon as, and I tell people this, as soon as you get a positive pregnancy test, you are so in love.
Oh, yes. Yes.
It doesn't matter in what capacity. You're so in love, you're already celebrating. You've probably already told your whole family and your best friend, and your friend told her friend, and everybody knows, you know, especially those surprise babies. Because you're like, oh my gosh.
And then you finally get to the point where you're like, okay, this is gonna be fun. This is exciting. Like swallow that whole idea of like, Ooh, goodness, that we were really planning that, or whatever. People go through different stages, but I tell people all the time, as soon as you pee on a stick mm-hmm.
That's it. And, and when you're talking about, you know, you grieving, not really thinking about your husband grieving, that's what so many people do, myself included, is. If husband is having a good day, you don't wanna bring it up to your husband. If you're having a good day, husband doesn't wanna bring it up to you.
And you never have good and bad days on the same day. So by the time it's like time to talk about it, we're all such a mess. We can't get back on the same page. But yeah, that's really the biggest thing is communication and not worrying about that spouse as far as like where they are. I mean that you want to have a, a safe space to have those conversations, but the conversations have to be had.
'Cause if they're not had in the beginning, they're gonna surface later. And then you, do battle that, well, he's not really feeling it today. He hasn't said anything and he is not sad and he seems to be having a great day, so I don't wanna bring it up. And then we never grieve together. We grieve separately and that's just not healthy. We actually, my husband and I are very comical people. We find something to laugh at about everything. So when we found out, of course it hit us like a ton of bricks, and then one of our neighbors is a photographer. So we had her come down, take this photo of him laying on the ground with a pregnancy test beside him and made this big post about, I guess we're having a baby.
Like, you know,
Yes.
I'm standing over. I'm like, what? And so it, because it became just a happy moment for us. You know, like, okay, I guess so this, so then whenever, because we had done that, then when we lost it was like, I'm not good with sad things, I'm good with happy things. Like I'm not good with sad things.
So it was hard for me to even say that out loud to tell people that. And then of course, everybody's checking on you, and I'm like. You know, I don't do good in this space. Like, I'm gonna crack a joke and then you're gonna sign me up for, you know,
Yes. Freaked out. Yes, because that's the only way I know to, to probably a trauma response.
It is a trauma response, but it's just how we do things. So, like you said, having happy days. We didn't talk about it until later on where we were. It just hit us and we had to mm-hmm.
Mm-hmm.
We had to say, this existed, this happened. We have to move on from here. But I can't without, like I said, naming it. So we named Carter and Asher,
or our baby's names, and that will be what we call 'em when we get to heaven and see 'em again.
That's right. So,
Well, and it's not, it. Happy moments are natural. Yeah. Unhappy, sad moments are not natural. Like these conversations being had, they're not natural. It's not the way it's supposed to be. That, you know, we think, and we are just so embedded into that grief that you just don't wanna talk about it at first, even if it's your closest person,
And it brings anxiety As soon as you think about, like, I wanna talk about this, but, and so we would say like, I need to talk. Are you, are you good? Like, are you in the space where we can talk about this? Because I don't want, and of course my husband is a fixer. He fixes everything for me. Every time I have a problem.
My kid called me yesterday, had a problem, and I was like, let let you talk to David. Like, yeah.
Yes. Yes.
So he goes into fix it mode because he wants to fix it. And you know, put all my problems aside, that's the husband, you know, that's normal husband behavior. And I'm like, I don't need fixed, I just need to talk. I just need communication.
I just need to know how you're feeling. I want you to know how I'm feeling. So we process through this so we don't get stuck Mm-hmm. here and we don't camp here. So one of the things that. Irks me in grief is what well-meaning people say or do. So what was something well-meaning people said or did that completely missed the mark and what is something that actually helped
oh gosh, there's a lot that misses the mark. But just kind of like how we talked about earlier. There's a lot of things that, are said that have such great meaning in their head, but it is not well received by grieving people. One of the things is if it starts with at least just, if it, if you're about to say the words, at least just don't finish the sentence.
Like retract, put it back in, tuck it back in. Don't, just don't even let it come out. There's a lot of, at least that go on, at least you aren't that far along. At least you can have another baby. At least you already have a baby at home. Those things come out, you know, and it, they have great meaning from the, they're just so.
They think that it's so great and in their head it is. But how it's received is so terrible. It's, there is no, at least with grieving people, we're not seeing the good, in anything in this moment. I had a child at home, I had a healthy, and honestly he was very preterm as well. just survived and he was healthy and happy and rambunctious and gosh, I, was, he was the biggest blessing.
But I was not Those you don't see any of this, right? None of it. And I know that's not great. And that's not what the Lord intends for us to do. We're supposed to turn to Him and, you know, all of that. But it is hard. It is very challenging. So when someone comes to you and says, 'cause I got some of that, at least you have a baby at
challenging. Mm-hmm.
Or at least you have a kid at home at the time, he's a little bit older. But, that's not helpful in those moments. Now, 10 years later, I am very thankful, that I did have my son, because he is the reason I got off that couch. It just is what it is. But at the time when people are coming over, people are saying stuff to you, sending those texts, y'all just delete, delete, delete.
Don't do it. Don't say it. It's not helpful. And those are comments that people will, will remember
forever. forever. You know, I had one lady ask me, and this is so crazy, and Michael was like, do not answer the door again. Go back, put your crazy back in, like go back to the bedroom. But you know, when you answer the door, somebody knocks on the door, they immediately wanna start talking.
Right? And I felt like, because I feel like I'm a very kind person, but when you're grieving, your head space is so jacked up that you just never know what's gonna come out. So, you know, she asked me, she was like this sweet little lady. Oh my gosh, she's precious. But she just said, did you have to, she couldn't even get her sentence out.
So that should have been red flag number one. We can't even ask the question. But, she's like, did you like have to have her? I'm like, no. I said I threw her up. What do you mean? Did I have to have her? And so I'm like, oh my gosh. I'm like, oh my gosh, Rebecca, go back to bed. What is wrong? And she's precious and she apologized to me after the fact.
'cause she realized that probably wasn't the best question. I did not have a great response at all. It was so bad. I also apologized. But it happened. It hap like, what do you mean? And I just was the one to spit back something. That's what just came outta my mouth. And I'm like, oh my gosh. So that Michael's like, okay, reverse.
Go back to the bedroom. You are not allowed to talk to anybody or open the door for a long time. I'm like, thank you. So it got me out of a lot of future stuff, but, no, it, it's funny now it, we laugh about that all the time. It's a story that I just tell, but it does give kind of a funny to be like, just don't say it if you're not sure.
And you can barely get the sentence out. Just retract, don't even say it. But like, like I said, the good stuff, the, the stuff that means the most and that. Somebody can really feel revived, like truly revived when you leave, is just to sit in silence. It really is. And I know that doesn't make sense, to a lot of people, but to grieving people, it just makes sense and that's what we need the most.
So, Mine was, people telling me, well, God knows
oh, yes, yes. Yeah.
I was on the Praise and Worship team. My husband was working with children in the children's ministry. And so we got that and people met so well, but I just really had to not cuss in the church house. Yeah. When people would say those things to me, because I would think, you know, these are just parts of life that we go through, but.
Do I think that God wrote this in my story for me to have these things and intentionally break my heart and crush me, my God loves me more than that. I know that I can prove that to you many, many times. So don't say icky things to me.
that's right. Not in the church house. know,
like it was really hard to keep it together in those moments when people would
Yeah. Church was the hardest. I, we talked about this earlier, you know, that, we, so she passed in November and we did not step back into church until Easter Sunday. I just, I didn't, I just knew I'd walk in there and cry the whole time, and I can do that at home in my pajamas.
And, you know, I, knew in those moments that the Lord was working in my life no matter where I was at. As a Christian, that's just, you just know that if you have faith and through your suffering, that He will provide. And that's exactly what He did. It's hard to see. It's very hard to see. In the beginning I was very angry. There was a lot of reasons why I didn't go to church. Yes, I didn't wanna cry the whole time, but I was mad. That's a part of it.
I was so mad. And that's okay. A lot of people think that they should have these certain emotions and they should go through it in the order and make it so textbook, but it's just not right.
So I, was not very textbook. I was mad. If you look or Google or whatever, it'll tell you these stages. Well, mine were not in that order. And the people in the church loved me the most. Right. They did.
And they're the most, well-meaning of all the people, they're
are. And you know, we're still in the same church now and that's, we are actually, on the Mercy Ministries team now with Local Mpact in that same church that I walked through grieving.
And we have an entire team within the church that help others walk through this. And so it's, just full circle moment and I'm so thankful to have that space, to help people get back in church or to pray over them and what that looks like.
Yeah. Was there a moment when you felt like you were just drowning? Like even while you were trying to help others? What has pulled you through those moments?
I'm like sitting here thinking of, you know, to name one, is really difficult. But really just the community of people around me, my closest friends that could show up, I mean, first and foremost, the Lord. Like I prayed and prayed and prayed that He would heal my broken heart. But that was definitely, I had to, if I had to clinging to something.
And I'm so thankful that as a believer you have that I do, I really do not understand how people that are, you know, unbelievers can get through the most tragic moments of their life without the Lord. I, really, 'cause I, mean, my head space was so bad, I wasn't thinking about anything. Yes, nothing. And once I got back into. know, really giving the Lord that space in my life. It, there is so much healing in that. Even if I was sitting on the couch drowning, when you, know, you use the word drowning that, gosh, you are totally drowning. Like I say it all the time, I was going to wither away in the couch. But the Lord really, took care of me and my family, my husband, my son, giving me those moments of, you know, if, merit my son was in a different space in the house or went to school or whatnot, I was always safe to have this real big cry, whatever that looked like, cry out to the Lord.
But other than that, really my friends, my closest friends, gosh, came to my rescue as far as that silence we were talking about. Giving me that space. I wasn't eating, I wasn't sleeping well. If they weren't sleeping, they'd call me and we'd talk. And it just kind of took my mind off of some things so then I could just lay down and have a restful night of sleep.
Or if they knew I wasn't eating. 'cause they were very very in tune with what was going on in my home. They were bringing food and we're talking 6, 8, 12 months later because of our situation. They were showing up later, which is now what we do. And so I, have just in a hundred different ways seen why people need help later.
Not, I mean, yes, you're in those drowning moments, but you may still be drowning in a different capacity a year or two, five years down the road. Even with me now, I'm 10 years post and I can be drowning. What we're doing and our board recognizes that our board president is wonderful. There's other board members, they just take care of me, in my head space as I help others.
So there's tons of drowning moments, even me 10 years later. right. Right.
So I wanna talk about you do have your baby girl now. Yes. So how did you get to that moment to allow your heart to have the space?
Yeah. So people that really know my story, know that it took time. The closest people to me, we were actually involved in an adoption, where it did not work out. And it was because of me. It was not, it was not a birth mom situation. I, we brought, the baby home and I don't know if I've even said this, live on anything I've ever done before.
And we've done a lot of things. But, we had a baby in our possession, to adopt. And it was not my baby. She was, it was a girl. She was a little tiny little infant baby. The sweetest, cutest. She slept. She didn't cry much. She was perfect. And she was not my baby. I didn't know whose baby that. I didn't know where she was supposed to be, but it was not at my house.
And so to experience that was a whole nother kind of loss because I felt guilty. I felt like, what am I supposed to know now? I have been blessed with this baby. I felt like the Lord had provided and. She was not intended to be in my home. I didn't know what was going on, but I did not feel this connection, this deep connection.
It was the weirdest feeling I've ever felt. But, I made the appropriate phone calls of who I needed to call. She went same day to a different family that adopted her. And I watch her grow on Facebook. She is as beautiful as ever and her family is one of the best families that she could have ever gone to.
She is thriving. She wants for nothing. And so in that moment it was also a turning point of I am not okay. Mm-hmm.
mm-hmm.
I'm, it has been literally, it had been two years and I realized like, I'm still not okay. And. Needless to say, fast forward 'cause we were foster, we've been foster parents for a long time.
We've had a ton of kids come in and out of our home and you know, we just have to have those conversations in our home of, you know, we're babysitting when moms and dads get better, babies go home or kids go home or go with grandma or whatever. But we are here to take care of them in these vulnerable moments that they're in our house.
But really, the most precious thing we, when we adopted Molly, we were in the room when she was born and it was instant connection. So when you talk about in the trenches and like just being drowning from all of this grief, and then now we've had, an adoption that failed because of us. And you know, there's just so much to life and there's so much to
It's messy.
It's so bad, you know, sometimes, and we are just navigating. But when she was born, we actually walked the road, of pregnancy with birth mom and it was a very, very sweet time. I was so in tune with what was happening. I was so excited. I was ready for her to be born and I just, I was a little bit nervous at the time of, you know, I've lost a daughter and now, realizing she was pregnant with a girl, how that was gonna look.
And it did not affect me at all. I was still so excited. I was just thrilled to be in that space. So different than what I had experienced before. But we were in the room when she was born, saw her come out, did all the things, and, then we got our own room. That's how it works in adoption. The baby's born, then you get your own room.
And we had our own room. And when I tell you it was like she came out of my body. She was, there was an instant connection. Just all the things that you have those feelings of when you have a biological child, they were the exact same feelings. She did not look like me. You know, she did not smell like me.
She didn't nothing. She didn't come from me. And when it is your time and God orchestrates this perfect little story and person for you absolutely know. So that's, I love that through adoption. I'll, if somebody that's grieving says, I think we're ready to adopt, I have certain questions I ask.
I have certain topics we talk about. I can dig through that because. I know if you're ready or not. I've been there, I've done that, and I was not ready. And so now I'm so thankful that we have Molly. She is a hoot and a half. People tell me all the time she's starting to look like me, and that's so crazy.
But I, do, it's like she acts like me, she talks like me. She, my husband's like, oh my gosh, she is your kid. She's just, she's so gra she's just, I don't know, she's little sassy pants and she's the one we gotta keep an eye on. But. But biggest blessing. One of our biggest blessings. Yes.
So even in the heaviest of loss, Local Mpact is filled with purpose. It's about legacy one baby's legacy, yes. But also the legacy of every family that walks through those doors. So what would you say to a woman listening right now who feels like she's still in the middle of her mess and can't see how she could ever make an impact?
Mm. Oh gosh. One, it's okay. Mm-hmm. The messiness is okay. And two, you are not alone. I cannot say it enough. In my own experience of feeling alone, back to the, I'm the only one who's ever had a loss and feeling sorry for myself and all the things, you're just not alone. There is somebody that you can relate to and talk to.
You pick up the phone and, call. But the mess is okay. There are so many people, like we said, that feel like they need to be on this specific timeline or I was posting about it and how I don't need to, and if I do post on social media, people are gonna think I'm weird, you know, whatever. Or like, there's something wrong with her, him, whoever
But gosh, just really that it's okay if you want to talk or you want to continue on and, remember them. There's. So many ways you can do that. We have people all the time, that host a just recently we've had a family that hosted a softball tournament and raised funds for impact in their son's honor, you know, and they don't even live in Jonesboro.
But they have made an impact on us and we've made an impact on them. Just like the name is, I mean, which just constantly, it goes both ways that I tell people all the time, you are making an impact on me. Way more than I could ever make an impact on you because I am still healing as well. But, really some other things like, showing up on that baby's birthday with a huge basket, and that is to be given to the first baby born on that day.
You know, something like that. There are so many ways, that you can honor and remember these babies. Maybe it's that you do it by yourself or maybe you do it as a whole entire family and you have a cake and everybody comes over and you just acknowledge. I mean, you don't have to sing happy birthday.
You don't have to do all that if you don't want to. If you want to, great. If you wanna have a balloon release or whatever you do, whatever you want to do to honor that baby. Really if you don't have ideas, it's a simple Google search. You know, text me, call me, whatever. And we can come up with different ways that fits you, that you can do year after year.
'Cause a lot of people, they're like, I really didn't like how that went down. Okay, cool. Next year we're gonna change it and we'll do something different. And when you find that, safe space of like doing something and honoring that baby, you'll do it year after year after year for Christmas.
Our family, this is Christmas. It's not, it's not her birthday, but, we're big into the foster world. We have been foster parents for over 10 years and I, when Christmas comes, I do what age she would be and we collect gifts for that age and then we go and give those gifts to a foster child. So like this coming December, it would be I would buy for an 11-year-old girl.
I find out who's the 11-year-old girl in foster care and we deliver gifts and a lot of gifts. It's not like some crayons because if she was here, this is exactly what I would be doing. And so we get all these gifts together and we find that girl of that age of that year, and we give them away. And that's what we do.
And it's so meaningful. But we do it every year. So I love the different ideas that people have and really dealing with different families. I see so many new and meaningful ideas. I'm like, oh, that's so good. Right.
But yeah, just so many ways to make an impact. And, remember your baby year after year,
Right. That's beautiful. So I cannot have a conversation with you without saying congratulations on being named a 2025 Woman to Watch by Occasions Magazine. And I have to say, you didn't just earn that title. You embody it. Oh my God. I truly feel like you do. Your heart, your leadership and your impact you've made in the lives of grieving families make this recognition so incredibly well deserved.
So tell me, what did that recognition mean to you personally?
my gosh. Thank you so much for your kind words. It meant a lot. I'll tell you, it's kind of funny because when I first got that email, I was like, is this spam? Like, is this for real? I had to really figure out like, is this a for real thing? I was so blown away and honored. I, it was just so unexpected and man, it meant so much to me.
You know, I, really do work hard and, you know, some of it is behind, a lot of it really is behind the scenes and some of it is in the just forefront, but I'm one of those people like. I don't really care to be the shining star. I'll stand behind the scenes and help, and then you go lead. Mm-hmm. I, let me volunteer.
You tell me what to do and I'll get it done. So to be recognized, for something so big and so special, there was so many women. I, when I saw the amount of people nominated, I was blown away. And, and as reading the names, like there's no question they are all so deserving. Some of them, a lot of them do way more than I could ever even think about doing.
So to actually win that award and like be the chosen one, one of the chosen ones is, it was incredible. I really, man, it was awesome. It really was. It was the sweetest gesture, from people, some people that really don't even know the space that I'm in. But through people's letters and stories of what we do as an organization, I was absolutely thrilled to be recognized.
But I have to say, and I said this, then when we got our award, that I do not do anything I do alone. That was one of the questions they asked, was, you know, who walks this road with you? Who does this with you? Who, whatever. And I'm like, number one, my husband, gosh, like he's always a safe place to land, to tell all of the things too that I'm experiencing or a story that I just really need to get off of me.
And I try really hard not to bring stuff home with me. 'cause I deal with a lot of heavy, heavy, heavy stuff. But he gives me that safe space in our board with impact. Is incredible. I cannot ask for more generous, kind, hearted, headstrong, get the job done. People, I've, it's just, I can't explain it. I really can't.
So even though I was the one standing there receiving the award, and it was the most awesome thing, just the feeling of, man, thank you so much for recognizing me, but I don't do this alone. I have so many people that help me and that should equally be recognized. So I just always wanna be safe to say that it's really not just me, even though I was the one standing there.
But yeah, it was, gosh, it was the most awesome thing ever.
so I have to bring up this topic just to say you went from drowning in the couch in that messy middle to being named this. That's a huge transition, but there was space in between. Oh yeah. There and there. There'll probably moments post this that are reminders. It just, that's the way life
Yep. Messy, messy. Yes. So was there a moment in your own story where you doubted if you had anything left to give, and what reminded you that you did
Mm. All the time. All the time. There's really not an explanation. It's just, like we were saying, it's just messy. It is so messy. There's really not like a moment that stands out. There's really no one moment of where I got from there to here. It's, it was hard work, through lots of prayer and lots of friendships and lots of, talking to others like.
Just, I don't know, I can't even explain it was just so up and down you go up and then you go down, you go up and you go down. And it's still that way. I mean, not as bad obviously, but, yeah. It's just, there's really no one thing of, how it happens. It just, over the course of time it does.
Yeah. And I think you were determined to have a purpose. Yeah. Like you just, we're not gonna let it go and creating something from your pain,
Yeah. Yeah, yeah. I had to have that pivotal moment of, look, you're gonna have to own this. This has happened to you, and it really stinks, like more than anything probably that will ever happen to you again. And, and Lord forbid, I mean, I, I hope nothing ever does. But like I said earlier, you know, we just live differently.
We just do every, we're so much more grateful. And when I say we, I'm talking grieving people, you just put all of us in this box and, gosh, I literally, it, it's crazy when somebody gives their time or gives their effort or cooks you a meal or awards you with the women to watch like what? Like, thank you, thank you for helping me get to those moments, you know, I to be awarded that or to have that meal on my doorstep or whatever.
Like I, that's because of them. That's because of them that I can move forward and, really walk this journey of my own plus walk it with other people, and things like that. So yeah, it's just a whole lot of everything combined that gets me from point A to point B.
So looking ahead, what is your vision for Local Mpact and for yourself?
Oh my gosh. We have so many visions. Like people are like, okay, Rebecca, calm down. Like one thing at a time. I get really excited, of what's to come for local impact. We have worked so hard, so hard. People are out at midnight, 5:00 AM two o'clock in the morning answering calls where someone is suicidal and you have to get them immediate help.
It, you know, there is no timeline, there's no eight to five, there's no whatever. When people are grieving, babies are born all hours of the day and night. People are unfortunately, I hate to even say it, but suicidal. Yes. All hours of the day and night. And a lot of times it's in the middle of the night.
People are, trying to go to sleep. Their thoughts won't turn off. It's these dark moments. It's dark in the house. Yes. Nobody's moving. There's no movement. Nobody needs anything. You're not busy.
Mm-hmm.
People grieving, wanna stay busy. Mm-hmm. Keep doing stuff. So these goals that we set is to be available, answer the phone, show up when they need you, even if it's in their happiest moments of, okay, now we have this sweet little baby that's been born after such a tragic loss, you go show up for that too.
Right. You know, you don't just hang out with them when they're sad. You go in their happy moments. And, what's crazy is I, I have shed a couple of tears with different families and my tears come the most in their happiest moments. You know, I attended an adoption at the courthouse, a couple months ago, and oh my gosh, like I was with them.
I walked to the road with them in loss and I was not tearful. I go over here and they're adopting and I'm boo-hooing like a baby. It was like. The happy moments we want to make sure we're a part of too. But we have a goal set. It's a big goal, but we purchased a lot. Our organization, not we as in Rebecca, but the organization purchased a lot last summer.
We paid for it in cash. Free and clear. We own the lot. It's off Southwest Square. We had looked at this area for two years. We were gonna rent a space. Literally directly across the street from this lot. That was the plan. We are gonna rent the space, just kind of figure it out, whatever, and then go from there.
If we wanna own something later, we can mostly to keep, donors money inside the organization. Right. We're not gonna give it to a landlord. We're not gonna do this, we're not gonna do that. Local Mpact will own a space that they can have forever and ever and ever. If it's 50 years, a hundred years, whatever.
We were, but we were gonna rent. We already had the building. We already had, the landlord, like it was a done deal. So we thought, but again, the Lord is a, you know, He provides and he does things. You're just shocked and you're like, well, what just happened? But it did not work out. The guy ended up not moving out of that space.
He actually kept the space for himself and ended up not renting. And the lot directly across from him was for sale. Wow. We were like, this is absolutely crazy. So we really had to have time to build this up and, raise the funds and do the things. And $50,000 later Wow. The lot was purchased. So, we're about a year after purchasing, purchasing the lot, and our goals now are to break ground.
And that might be next week, that might be next month, that might be next year. I really don't know. It is the topic of all conversations of our board meetings and, just really trying to figure out who can help. I mean, is there, you know, you're gonna have to put flooring, you're gonna have to do paint, you're gonna have to do, landscaping, I mean whatever.
So it's like, okay, who in this community. Is able to help with this stuff. If there's a factory, you know, that maybe there's a donation out there, maybe there's whatever. So we are in deep prayer of this space. We actually had a prayer night, last year after it was purchased. And it, the circle was so big it literally covered almost the entire lot of people holding hands and praying over that, that land.
And so we don't need anything big. We just need a little space for people to go and have a safe place to talk or pick up stuff or, you know, I was telling you, all the stuff is in my house, stored in my house for different events. And so we just need, we need somewhere to call home. And that can be in the organization for years to come.
But that is our goal. It's our happy space right now. And I'm absolutely certain we'll get it done. It just may take a little bit more time.
Yes. So as we end, there's one question I love to ask each of our inspiring change makers who share their heart with us. Can you share a moment when a small act of kindness, either something you gave or something received, left a lasting impact on you?
Yes. Gosh, there's been a bunch, but one that stands out, to me the most. I had a family that I was working with the mom in particular, and she was grieving so heavily. Y'all know, we go through the mad stage and the sad and all the things, and she was really tossing around like knowing the Lord if she was a true believer.
Like, what does that look like? And we went from talking about grief and that space to talking about loving the Lord, being a Christian, what that looks like. Are you saved? Or, just really digging deep into that. And, man, it's, incredible. Even to talk about it gives me chills. But I watched her in my church, in my home church, be baptized after our conversation.
I had led her to some people in the church to help work through and navigate that on, the next steps. But I mean, a pivotal moment from myself grieving, staying out of church until Easter Sunday and how I was so angry, I was mad at God. Like, why would you do this to me? You double whammied me like you took my baby.
You know, this is me and my grief stages of being mad. He took my baby and I had a heavy hysterectomy, right? You like literally double wham me double whammy me in the same timeframe to coming over here listening to this person. Not even sure where she stands, with her relationship with the Lord to literally showing up for church, watching her get baptized and hearing her testimony and, she had been through so much and speaking my name.
I've never in all my times with this witness something so rewarding that I just, it's so crazy to even think about how grief is so ugly and just, it shows up at just the darkest times and it's just so hard to get through to now we're sitting in a pew watching this. Mama get baptized with her whole family standing up there where she speaks your name and speaks the organization's name on how she's gotten to this point.
And I know I didn't do that. I did not, I mean I was definitely, it was the Lord's doing. I was just saying what He has told me to say, what I know to say based on what I know from the Bible and, studying and things like that. But, I didn't do that, but I was so, so proud to be a witness to what the Lord does in other people's lives.
And just to see those pivotal moments to where, again, with Mpact, that's what I needed
Mm-hmm. During that time that I really was lacking. And so I'm so thankful to have this space to be able to do this for other people.
grief doesn't come with a timeline and healing doesn't come with a manual, but sometimes it starts with someone just showing up. So here's your reflection for this week. Who in your life is grieving something invisible? And how can you let them know they're not alone in it? What's one small way you can just show up for them?
Even if you don't have all the right words? Sit with that. Reach out. Because in a world that's often avoids pain, your presence could be someone's turning point.
Rebecca, thank you so much for unmasking your heart with us today. Your story and your strength and your relentless compassions are gifts to the world.
And here at Unmasking The Heart for Change we believe that every guest who shares their truth with us leaves a lasting imprint, not just on the platform, but on every soul who listens.
So as a token of our gratitude, we want to give you a little piece of our heart, something to remind you that your story matters and your impact is real. So.
Oh my gosh. That's so sweet.
So you have a ornament there that has our logo and stuff on it, so you can remember the podcast. But in the bag is a personalized key chain that is impact and it is, tagged.
You can touch it to your phone and it'll open up. So you have a personalized business card that you can just tap to someone's
phone and it will, I love it. It will open up. So I love it,
See, look at you helping us trying to figure all this out.
So when you're sharing, you can just tap their phone and instantly all their, and I did cheat because I've done stuff with you before.
So I used all the stuff that I already had.
I love it. I love it. Anything to make our life easier. Yes. So
So thank you for walking through the sacred ground of grief with us today. Your vulnerability, your courage, and your commitment to giving to others permission to grieve will never be unnoticed.
You are truly making an impact. To learn more about Rebecca or support the work for Local Mpact, you can follow them on Facebook or visit the link in our show notes. And I wanna say here that if there are people out there who can support with a building, if you're an architect, if you are a painter, all of her contact information will be in our show notes.
So I encourage you to save that information. When they get there, reach out, let her know that contact is available. Then when she gets to that stage, she can follow up with you because we wanna be a part of sitting in this business building. We're going to podcast from this building once this building exists, and I cannot wait.
So do you or someone you know have a powerful story of change to share? I'd love to hear from you. You can apply to be a guest by visiting our Facebook page or clicking the link in their show notes. Your journey might be exactly what someone else needs to hear right now.
Don't forget to subscribe. Share this episode with someone who's walking through grief and leave a review. So many hearts can find us. And remember, change begins with N and it starts one heart to heart at a time. See you next time guys. Thanks so much. Bye.