Welcome back to Unmasking the Heart for Change, where we dive into the real stories behind transformation, one, heart to heart at a time. I'm your host, Tammy Winsted, and I'm so thankful that you tuned in to listen to us today. Today's episode is one I think most of us can relate to or at least learn something from. We're diving into a real and unfiltered conversation about co-parenting, not the picture perfect version, but the honest, sometimes messy and deeply human side of it.
As someone who's walked this path myself, I know just how important it is to talk about the choices we make for our kids and for our own personal peace, and I'm really honored to be joined by someone who knows this road well too.
Before we dive in, I just want to say this conversation means a lot to me personally. I may not have gotten everything right in life, but co-parenting with my ex, I know in my soul, I got that part right. Recently, I had a full circle moment that just confirmed it. My daughter was on vacation in Michigan, my son was working. And without being asked, their dads stepped in and moved both kids into the house they now rent together in Jonesboro Spro. They coordinated it all, knocked it out. No stress, no drama, just love and teamwork.
That moment brought everything full circle for me. It reminded me exactly why 16 years ago, I put so much intentional thought into how this co-parenting journey would look. It was never just about schedules and survival. It was about choosing respect, consistency, and love as a foundation, and seeing that come to life in a moment where our kids didn't have to lift a finger because their dads had it covered. It was a kind of quiet win that speaks volumes. This episode isn't just a conversation I'm passionate about. It's one I deeply believe in because I've lived it and I know what's possible when we do the heart work early on.
Today I'm honored to be joined by Courtney Fisher, someone who not only understands co-parenting through lived experience, but brings a deep well of wisdom and heart to the conversation. She's here to show us what it looks like to co-parent with purpose, compassion, and yes, it even a little humor to help carry us through the tough times.
Courtney, I'm really glad to have you here today. Why don't we start by having you share a bit about yourself and what your family looks like.
Thank you so much for having me. I'm very excited to be here. So most importantly, I am the mother of two wonderful sons, Patrick, who is 17, and Moses, who just turned 10 after that. I'm just a born and raised Blytheville girl. I've worked at the, at the college, at Arkansas, Northeastern College for the past 22 years. I volunteer in the community. Um, that's about it.
Parenting after divorce is never one size fits all. It's layered, emotional, and deeply personal, and often very different from what people imagine from the outside looking in. So let's start by pulling back that curtain and talking honestly about what co-parenting has looked like in your life. Courtney, what does co-parenting mean to you? And how would you describe what those early days look like with your ex-husband compared to what they look like now?
To me co-parenting means finding the common ground with your ex that puts your children's needs first. It's not necessarily about the divorce, it's about what they need. And honestly, it doesn't look too terribly different now than it did from the beginning because we made the decision very early in our separation to make sure that we kept our children's best interests at heart. And luckily, I compartmentalize things really easily. So I tried my best to keep the marriage issues separate from the parenting issues.
Yes. Was there a moment where it really hit you? Like, okay, this is gonna take more teamwork than tension.
I really love that. More teamwork than tension. Uh, I really like that. So while we did make the decision early on to keep the children's interest at heart, it still was not easy. I mean, it's the dissolution of a marriage, so it's ugly, it's hard, it sucks. But even through all of that, there was still this cognizant decision that we made to, and we said it out loud that this is how we are going to handle this. This is how we're going to parent our children.
That's what Aaron and I did the same. We said, you know, we didn't work, but that doesn't mean that our broken can't be beautiful for our kids. And we were intentional about it, but it took work and it wasn't easy because your emotions are high, your heart is hurting, and it's hard not to lash out.
So that redirect is essential for the kids' sake, but they benefit so well from it. So what are some of the key things that you and your ex do to make sure your kids feel equally loved and supported by the both of you?
So we are both very involved parents. We are gonna both show up to everything that we can show up for if it's a school event, a parent teacher conference, holidays, and we still do a lot of those things together. Mm-hmm. We meet up together and we go to the parent teacher conferences together. We don't necessarily go to ball games together because a lot of times Ben may be coaching Patrick, so he's doing his own thing and I'm there, but we do those things together. So even when we buy gifts, they are still from mom and dad. We make a decision ahead of time that. Okay, you're gonna get this. I'm gonna get this. But it's still from mom and dad. We discuss all of those things out loud. Now there's a couple of specific things. Patrick and I have our things that we do together.
Uh, Moses and Ben have their things that they do together. So those might be separate, but you should see our Christmas spreadsheet. I mean spreadsheet. We have a spreadsheet. We have a Google sheet that we share for Christmas, and it's color coded, and that is ridiculous. But it works for us because it helps us also make sure that one parent isn't spending way more than the other.
We keeps things as equal as possible, and that's just how we do it. So everything is still from the both of us, and that's one of the ways that we try to make sure that our kids know that they're equally loved by both parents. I don't think they've ever questioned it, but that's just the little things that we do to, to make sure that they know that.
You said, your husband coaching your son? I would have a hard time not going into mom mode when coach is coaching and you're, It is hard. Um, well, he is being hard on the kid.That's true. I remember one time, oh, so Patrick hurt himself. He was playing defense and Pat and football and Patrick doesn't normally play defense, but they were short on personnel he had to put him in. Well, it resulted in Patrick tearing his labrum and having to have shoulder surgery and missing an entire second half of a football season, all of basketball season and all of baseball season.
And so we are, both of us are at the doctor's appointments and the doctor's like, what happened? And I was like, well, his dumb ass coach put him in on. Put him in on defense when he doesn't play defense. So, and even the did.
Yeah. And, and even, and even Ben was like, yeah, his coach is stupid. You know, so we, again, we, we keep a sense of humor about things, but 'cause that was really a heartbreaking, another heartbreaking situation.
But that's, it is hard. It's just one of those deals that I've grew up, a coach's kid, I grew up a, was a coach's wife for a long time. So, I know what to expect when all that happens, and I know why they make the decisions that they make and all that. But still, when he put him in on defense and he got hurt, I was like, he never placed defense again.
Don't ever do that again. We're not doing that again. And it was just a fluke deal. But still,
Yes. But that those times happen. Yeah. Like it's gonna happen in the relationship. Even though you chart everything out, you think, okay, we have this, we have our minds wrapped around this life still lives
happen. Yes.
and it comes with blows and it's navigating those blows.
That's the messy middle. Yes. You see the end results, but the messy middle of you have to still take the punches and just go along with it. Right? It can be messy. So how have your boys responded to the way that you and their dad show up to co-parent now?
They respond well to it and you think that they're not really paying attention or that they don't understand what's going on. But I remember a very specific situation when Patrick was probably, he was around 11 years old, I think, at the time. And we were having, I was cooking dinner and it was a meal that he knew that his dad really liked.
And he was like, oh, this is dad's favorite. Can I call him and have him come by and get a plate? And I was like, yeah, that's fine. Just save him some and let him call him and let 'em know. And he stood there and he goes, Hey mom, I know that most people who goes through. Separations and stuff like this. They don't act like you and dad act, but I also know you do it for us.
So thank you. And talk about almost just losing it right there, you know? I know, but I was just like, you're 11. You know, he's, he's a smart kid. But I was like, that is such a wise, observation for him to make and it made me know right then, okay, we're doing the right thing and is as hard as it is sometimes we have to keep doing this because it's making a difference and they are recognizing that we are doing this for them, and that's what it's all about.
about. Our kids, we sat with each other in the bleachers a lot, and our seats, when we bought seats at the school, our seats were right in front of each other. And everybody, my kids would say that. Everybody was like, it's so weird that your mom and dad sit together. It's so weird that you know your dad and your stepdad, you know?
Communicate the way they do, because it's usually both dads yelling aggressively at the refs. You know what I mean? Like together, like in unison. Then they feed off of each other. But my kids looked at it and they go, why? Like my daughter even said one time, she was like, they have us in common. Like, why would that be weird for them?
Like they, obviously, my mom and dad got along at one point. They were in a relationship and they had me and my brother. But that wisdom that when you show up with love and you show up with compassion, even in a heart wrenching moment, your kids see that They seeand they feed off of it.and they even, you know, we, again, we go to a lot of ball games and Ben's parents are really good about coming to everything. And then we all, yeah. You know, it'll be Ben's family or his parents are there and I'm there and my boyfriend Jeremy will be there. And Jeremy and Mike are hanging out and talking.
I mean, it's just, you know, it's. Yes, it's weird, but I'm weird. So I just accept it and embrace it and, and I'm very grateful that we do have that kind of relationship to do that. It just makes life so much easier. And I wish people who are not quite in that situation or have not been able to let go of the divorce part of it could because they would realize how much easier their life will be.
And part of it is too, is that I'm emotionally lazy and I don't wanna hold a grudge. It's too much of a burden. I don't wanna hang onto that. So I would rather just let it go and just try to move forward from the place we are right now to make things better.
It really takes so much energy and just consumes your mind. That's where I couldn't get, I couldn't let it consume me, my mind, and take over. My son recently had a situation where, you know, I'm a mom. I'm nosy, so I call my kids and I'm asking, what's going on, blah, blah, blah. So I call their dad.
My kids are 19 and 22, but I call their dad and informed him what's going on. He was like, well, I'm so glad you called because I thought I had done something, girl. I hung up from him. I called my son. I said, you will be calling your dad and you will be apologizing 'cause you made your dad feel like he, you know, had done something to you.
You're gonna fix this. Like you're gonna correct this wrong. But that communication doesn't just have to stop. Like, we didn't make our problems, their problems. We loved each other enough to have kids, and I'll say this on the record and put it out there publicly. Aaron gave me the two greatest gifts that anybody has ever given me, Drew and Ryleigh that can't be topped.
So I have all kinds of compassion and care for him still to this day because of that. He was there when they were born. You know, like you don't forget those moments. You don't put those moments away. You have to keep it there. But like you said, I couldn't keep the pain because it just wasn't worth it anymore.
We realized it wasn't healthy. We were gonna raise our kids in an unhealthy situation so we could do something about it right now and make the intentional decision to be present for them and love them equally. Now, it sucked because we did flop back and forth. They went to his, I didn't get every Christmas the way them, the way I wanted to.
And Christmas, my favorite holiday. Yeah, but we compromised in, my kids are better off because of it, and they have a good, solid structure, you know, going into the future, which it can't be topped in my opinion.
So when life doesn't unfold the way we picture it sometimes there's an emotional process of letting go, of learning what we thought things should look like and embracing what actually works.
That's especially true when it comes to co-parenting and redefining what whole means for a family. Did you ever feel pressure either from yourself or from others about what co-parenting was supposed to look like?
Yes.
Mm-hmm.
Yes. I think in the beginning there was a little pressure from our family and friends just on the separation and divorce in general, because we both had siblings who had been through something similar. They didn't have the greatest experience. And plus your friends and family, they are there to root for you.
They are there to protect you. They want to be on your team as they should. Mm-hmm. And so they all have their ideas about what things should look like. And, you know, I went and did, you know, blah, blah, blah. And I remember when I finally told my parents that he was moving out. So there was a time when things started falling apart and we were trying to work on things.
It just got to the point where we couldn't anymore. So he had to move out. And I had not mentioned any of this to my parents in this meantime because I thought, well, if. My parents will hold a grudge. And so if I, if I say something now, I need to wait until I know for sure what is going to actually happen.
But it came to the point where he was moving out and so I didn't want my children to mention this anyway, so I went and sat down with my parents and told happening, Ben is moving out. This is what I need from you. Mm. I need you to know that this is not going to look like it does for everybody else. Mm. I need you to not offer me advice right now.
I don't need, um, your input. I need you to listen when it's time for me to talk, but I need you to respect the way that we want to handle it and the decisions that we make. And they did, thankfully. And I think for the most part, everyone feels as good as they can about it. Mm-hmm. And I. Feel like he probably had a similar conversation with his family and just said, Hey, this is how we're handling it.
This is how we're gonna do it. And we all agree it doesn't look like it does for most people. Mm-hmm. You know, so, but we're okay with that.
And our situation, it came as a blow to everybody as well. And we did the same thing. But the, the in-laws, I still know if it concerns Drew or Ryleigh, I could call 'em right now and they're gonna show up because they love the kids. And we did that same type of conversation up. Drew and Ryleigh are gonna remain the first in this whole thing.
And I, I have to give a lot of credit to my divorce attorney, um, who actually sat me down and he was like, don't let him be pawns. You know, I honestly said, who's paying you? Like who's, but I'm glad he talked to me like that. And I, that's the reason I chose a man, honestly, to have a different perspective.
So I didn't. Wasn't, you know, maybe influenced emotionally or whatever. Not that women would, but you know, I wanted to have a broader approach to things. And he said, if you always put Drew and Ryleigh first, you will always make the right decision. And it has stuck with me. And I said that to Aaron when I left the divorce.
I called him, I told him what he said and he's like, then let's just do that. And that was literally how we decided everything going forward. Drew Ryleigh would be first and then everything else.
That is not easy to do. It's not because you are emotional. You're heartbroken, you're distraught you, everything that you thought you knew that was going to be your life is now taking a 180 and flying off the rails in a completely opposite direction. But you still have these two, or you know, in my case, I still had these two little boys that who loved their dad and who loved their mom and whose life was fixing to be upended.
And you wanna just try to keep it as much of that from happening as you can.
And be me being a daddy's girl, it was hard for me because I wasn't for, from a divorce home, Aaron wasn't from a divorce home. So everything we had seen about divorce homes was negative. Right?
Same here.
So we didn't want that. So we stayed longer than we probably should because we were trying to avoid that.
But then it was becoming unhealthy for the kids.
We made a decision to change things and we were like, but why does it have to be that way? It doesn't have to be that way. Like, I still care about you. We were best friends before we were anything. Right. So can we just try to go back to friendship? We don't have to be best friends, but can we kind of, navigate back to friendship for Drew and, Ryleigh's sake?
Right?
And to this day, like if I call him, he'll answer if I text him about the kids. He's there, they're 19 and 22. He doesn't have to anymore. But he knows if I'm calling it's because of Drew and Ryleigh. It's not to say, Hey, how are you? Yeah. You know, like, I have something to tell you, or I have some information I wanna share with you.
Maybe longer than I wanna put in a text and just easier to, to call. And it's just so, it's so easy. It was so moving them, it was me, David, and Aaron. And moving them was just easy. Like I could be in my own area doing my own organization thing, and the dads were dad, like, you know, it was great. It can be beautiful, but you have to be intentional. yes, it's not gonna happen on its own. It's not going to, I think as moms we're often the last ones to extend ourselves, grace. So what has helped you offer yourself more compassion as you've navigated this co-parenting life?
oh no, I still struggle. I struggle. Uh, mom guilt is very, very real. Moses is just precious and fantastic and will say things like, you're the best mom and you're the best cook, and I love you so much and I'm so thankful I have you. And so that helps me, you know? But he's also 10 and he doesn't know what he's talking about.
And. But there are so many areas where I struggle and I have a really hard time in general, extending myself, grace on any, on anything work, my body, my mind, my faith, all these different things where I struggle sometimes I have a really hard time extending myself, grace, and that's probably some sort of trauma response.
But, you know, I am always trying to figure out ways to, to deal with that. And what's so funny is that I'm so willing to extend grace to everyone Right. You know I will, everybody else gets a pass, everybody else gets forgiven. I'm just like, again, 'cause I'm emotionally lazy. I don't wanna have to harbor a grudge or carry, all this hatred on my shoulders.
I don't wanna do that towards other people. But man, I will, I will haul it on my back for myself until the day I die and I'm working on it.
and that's what this podcast I want to exist for, just to encourage not just women, but men too, to stop. Like social media is not real, right? We are seeing the highlights of life that is not real life. You know, a lot of people move things outta the way before they take that perfect picture, or they use that little erase feature, or they use the slimming effect or the filters.
Let's just stop. It's overwhelming. It is heavy, and I'm not doing it. Yeah. Forget it. I've hit the point where I'm like, done. No, the mask is off. I'm gonna show what life is really like and I'm happy. Like I'm happy with it now. Yeah. That I'm not hiding and I'm speaking truth. It's hard. It hurt some episodes I record multiple times because I'm crying, Right. But it needs to be said and if I have to say it, okay? And I get so envious of people who are just really living their authentic Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. And I don't know. I mean, there's nothing in the world that tells me I can't do that, right? Everything tells me to do that, but I just see people and they're just acting crazy and goofy and living their best life, and I'm like, oh, that looks like so much fun.
I'm gonna do that. And Jeremy's like, then do it. I'm like, no, that's not appropriate. Or No, I don't wanna do that. And any, and I'm not like the most appropriate person in the world. I mean, obviously I've already said like 20 cuss words in this, but it's, I, it's still, it's just one of those situations where I have a really hard time offering myself grace.
And that's one thing I wanna work on.
Yes. You know, having the right support system, as we talked about, or the ability to get set, those clear boundaries can make all the difference. What role has your support system played in helping you stay grounded through this process?
This is gonna sound a little bit weird, but the biggest role. That has been played in. This is time.
Mm-hmm.
Time has given me distance. It's given me healing and that helps a lot. I do have great support system. I have wonderful family. I have wonderful friends. But time has probably been one of the biggest factors that's helped me get through this process.
So was there a moment when it hit you that your family was actually thriving, not just in the traditional way that you once expected?
There's probably not a specific moment, but I think when others tell us that we've got great kids or that we've done a great job raising our boys, that's really all I can ask for.
There are still plenty of character building stories that they can share with their therapist later, but when I think overall we're doing okay and we've had lots of people tell us that they think it's great how we co-parent and still get along with each other. So there's not anything specific, but just lots of little anecdotal evidence along the way and I'm, I'm good with that when my kids was reaching into their teen years. I'll not name the culprit here, but one of them said to me, mom, you've really taught me that you can mess up and still make it okay. And I was like, um, thank you. kids. Great. Thanks sweetie.
But, but in the end, I'm glad they saw me fail because I thought, it made me think, it made me reflect back, like, did I see my parents mess up? You know, they were really busy raising us, and I'm sure they, I did, but I never, and I, I don't know, maybe it's a flaw on my part that my kids thought so much they thought to honor me with that, but it's part of what it's like on the episode of Friends, or, oh, you pulled a Monica. Yeah.
But at least they were, they saw me do life real. Yes. You know, unmask and real. And that hopefully has helped them step into their futures hopefully it helps release the pressure a little bit because there's a lot of pressure on young kids today and teenagers and just in general. There's so much pressure on everybody to have things right and to get it right the first time. And it's just not, it's not realistic.
And every time I messed up, well, I felt like I messed up with them. I took the time to go to them and say, Hey, sorry, this is literally the first time I've ever been a mom, you know, doing this. I'm learning. You're learning my bad. Taking those moments too, has helped me and the kids get along and just thrive in a way that is beautiful.
Yeah. We still do it to this day when my kids mess up. I am one of the people that they call, and you wouldn't think a mom would be, but they're like, Hey, this is going on. What should I do if, especially now they're in adulting situations. I have this coworker situation and I'm like, okay, let's talk about it.
Let's talk about it. What are you trying to get here? What's the end result like? Keeping their focus and direction with schools, navigating professors, helping them understand. Teachers are not professors. Professors are not teachers. Like you have this adulting responsibility you have to take, take on now.
You have to communicate. It's your responsibility to communicate. It's your life. You're navigating it and just helping them funnel that. It never stops. We don't just pass 'em off. Okay, now you're adults.
Congratulations. Get, get on with life. No, No, it'd be nice, it would be not. It would be not. No. So, stepping into a new relationship with co-parenting can bring a whole new set of emotions to the surface.
When you've worked hard to create a stable co-parenting dynamic with your children's fathers, it's only natural to want to protect that space. At the same time opening your heart to someone new requires a different kind of trust and a careful awareness of how these two worlds now intersect.
It can be beautiful, but it can also get complicated fast if boundaries aren't clear. So let's, unmask that for a moment. How did you know it was the right time to introduce your new partner to your children?
caught. I think we had been dating in a committed relationship for around seven or eight months, maybe a little bit more when I finally introduced them. And even then, it was very casual. It wasn't a big formal setup. I just had him housed. We hung out for a little bit. We were both really nervous Mm-hmm.
But that's, how we did it. And that's the timeline that I
I don't think that there's ever a real way to make that easy. It's just, it's awkward because you develop this relationship with someone you really want 'em to like these kids. But, you know, if it doesn't go well. There has to be a boundary set in a different area that may affect your heart.
Right. And that's a hard, that's a scary moment. I'll never forget that moment. It was terrifying.
Yes. 'cause you think if they don't, they don't like him, he has to go, You can't stay here, sir. Yeah. You have to go. I choose. Yeah. You choose your kids. Right. And so, yes. No, that's a hard, that was hard. And we were nervous about it, but that's, that was pretty much our timeline. About seven or.
So what are some of the ways you've been intentional about nurturing a healthy bond between your children and your partner?
I have tried very hard to just let things happen naturally. I have not forced it. Patrick was a young teenager when he met Jeremy, and so that's just a really hard time in a kid's life anyway, and then you throw this other situation into the mix, plus Patrick's very close to his dad, and I've had to let things happen organically.
Moses on the other hand, he and Jeremy are definitely the closer of, of my two sons. They have their projects that they work on, they have activities that they like to do together. They have similar interests, which is funny to me because Jeremy's 47 and Moses is 10, but they have a common, they have some common interest that they, that's beautiful, that they like to do together, and it's usually building things or tinkering with things or there's some.
You know, shows and stuff that they like to watch together. I do remember this though, and I think this is really important. At one point I was talking to Ben and I was like, Hey, has Patrick mentioned anything about Jeremy? Because Patrick is really hard to read and he's my kid that's kind of hard to read sometimes.
And he said that, he asked Patrick, he's like, what do you think of Jeremy? And Jeremy? And Patrick was like, yeah, he's, he's alright. You know, as teenage, teenage slang. really great for a kid, for a teenager. Yeah, fine. He's nice. And Ben said he told Patrick, you know, it's okay for you to like him. It's okay for you to have a relationship with him and for you to like him, especially if he's good to your mom and he makes her happy.
In fact, it's better if you like him. Mm-hmm. And that doesn't change anything between you and me. That doesn't change our relationship. It's okay. Not that Patrick needed permission. Not that it would've mattered how Ben felt about it, but I think that was a solid parenting moment
Mm-hmm.
to say, it's okay.
It's, you don't have to pretend like you don't like him for my benefit. You know? So I, appreciate that very much from him. And I think that that helped. I think it helped a little bit. Yeah.
You know, blending families can be one of the most rewarding and most challenging parts of Starting over. Does your partner have children too? And if so, how has the blending process looked for you guys?
He does have children. He has two sons who are more or less grown and flown. Mm-hmm. His oldest son has a, has a family of his own, he's married and has, and his youngest son owns his own home. He's, graduated from high school. He's, moved out, so that he has those two boys and then he has two daughters who were adopted through foster care when he was married to his ex-wife. And again, we just try to let those things happen naturally. We don't force those situations for them, mandatory time for them to all sit together, right? all such different age groups and there's a lot of, there's a lot of things going on there. So we just try to let things happen naturally, yeah, it's easier that way. It definitely takes the complications and the stumble out of, if you don't force things on kids, I mean, they're navigating this new situation too. So I don't wanna be forced to hang out with people, so I don't wanna do that to
No, agreed. I agree. So how do you manage the balance between staying committed to co-parenting well, and also making sure your current relationship has the space it needs to grow?
So honestly, this was really tough for me in the beginning. Mm-hmm. I didn't know what I was doing on the relationship side. I honestly, I sucked at it. The parenting side, I had figured out this other side was just really hard. It was a new territory for me, dating again and, and all that. I had been in that, my previous relationship for like 20 years.
Mm-hmm. A lot's changed in the world. I've changed, dating's changed. It was all awful. But we have definitely grown and gotten better. Time was a, was a factor in this journey again because I had to learn a lot of things and I needed to take some responsibility on my actions and how it was affecting our relationship and how. Things that I didn't think really mattered mattered a lot. mm-hmm.
And so I had to really assess and listen and, but also had to say, I think there were times when maybe he would get upset about something that really, in my head, like, well, there's really not any rea, there's no reason to get upset over that.
But, but I just needed to like, take his feelings into consideration. He needed to take my feelings into consideration. So we had a little learning, a little learning curve right there, but we figured out our way around it's much better now.
I can hear already. The theme in this is patience. Patience, and it's this, this whole topic will test your patience, but time and just allowing it to happen organically is one of the only things you can truly give yourself. I had to relearn myself because I had gotten into being, I was single for five years, so I was Drew and Ryleigh's mom.
Yes.
And so that was priority number one. And it was basically like, get in where you fit in. You know, because they were young and I'm like. They come first. This is what I do in life. I'm their mom. Everything else comes second. But I didn't even know who I really was, myself just yet. I was still trying to figure that out because obviously we divorced for a reason.
I needed work too, so I had to figure all those things out. Like what was I holding on to and what was I trying to make perfect in my life that just causing me too much, just exhausting me or whatever. What expectations were unreasonable that I was setting for myself, giving myself grace and learning that and navigating that.
And there were times that early on I had to go to David and say, I'm sorry, I shouldn't have put the kids first at this point. You know, like your feelings matter. What you're thinking is important, how you feel is important. But to this day, a lot of times when they have a technical question, they call him and I'll see his phone ring and I'm like, what do they want?
Well, they just wanted me to figure this out for him or whatever. And I'm like. Why didn't they call me? He goes, so you can hand the phone to me. Like, like, why? Would that make
you don't know the answer. Yeah.
Like, but they could lemme try. You know, like, but I love that they cultured that relationship with each other and you know, like my son and David playing due to golf things.
And I'm like, can I go with y'all? And he, they go, where are you gonna sit? Like, stop being weird, you know? That's That's awesome. awesome. But it's beautiful to see this stage of life that we're in now where all those things that when we did get it wrong, we stopped, we paused, gave ourself grace and said, okay, how can we not do it that badly next time?
Let's learn from this. Let's not repeat this lesson. Let's learn from it. Take that as a life lesson and move on in life. But I do want my kids to call me first.
Are you listening? Call your mother.
Okay. So have you found any meaningful ways to build new traditions or a shared sense of unity within your blended family?
We are starting with just the basics. Yes. Family, birthdays, holidays, just real basic get togethers. Partially because our schedules are chaotic. Mine is awful. So planning is so hard. Jeremy and his oldest son are both on the same shift, so to speak at Big River, so that's good. Mm-hmm. At least we kind of know, okay, they're gonna be free this weekend, so we just have to figure out a way when to do holidays and you know, it might be Thanksgiving, might be on a Saturday or whatever, but that's what we.
We just try to find time to, to build those little holiday moments together. A lot of times I'm trying to schedule everything around football games, basketball games, baseball games or, or whatever that, you know, the kids are doing. So it's, we do the best we can and there's not a lot of pressure. We just don't put a lot of pressure on ourselves to do all of that.
We ended up having a little impromptu barbecue two nights ago, completely unplanned, but it just so happened everybody popped over and it just turned into a thing and it was great and it was fun and beautiful, but it just wasn't planned. And, and that's okay. We just take those moments when we.
Yes. We are in the phase now where my, both my kids have significant others. And so now you have other family dynamic and when you have a complicated family dynamic of your own, where you shared, you know, in large families and you're sharing time with each other and then you enter that side.
So, we were at the house, the kids are renting together in Jones boro, just. The other day and Aaron come by to get his haircut, so he pops in. So here we are all sitting on the, the kids' sofas, just hanging out, you know, chilling, talking and whatever. Just taking those moments, not having to have that Instagram picture for Thanksgiving. You'll be okay, right?
Right.
Be okay. Not working.
One single picture. You know, we were just sitting around talking, grilling those memories, like those memories will go into the archive forever and it, it beats anything you could buy your kids. Having that time. Time is the one resource. I say it over and over again, time is the one resource once spent, you can't get it back. So it's the most sacred, it's the most valuable.
And I try to live in the moment with my kids. Yes, I. Think about it after the fact. Oh, I don't have, actually, I was trying to upload a picture the other day and I was like, oh, I don't have a picture of Drew and Ryleigh together for a long time, because Drew's been away at college. Yeah. You know, so it's been complicated.
But, so looking back, are there any common missteps or lessons you've learned that might help others who are walking into a similar chapter?
I think it's important to realize that everyone does things very differently. Jeremy and I are very different in a lot of ways, probably polar opposites, and so that is hard to navigate, and I think not forcing things is important, letting things happen organically. Luckily, both of our sets of kids have been kind and respectful through this whole process, which is important.
Mm-hmm. My kids know anything less from that and, and he wouldn't either from his kids and that's not been an issue thankfully. I do think it's also important to mention that. The relationship that Ben and I have post-divorce is not really the norm, I don't think. I don't think it's the norm. It hasn't seemed to be.
People are always, oh, I'm just gonna go by there, by that kind of scale. But we chose that so that our children could be happier and it works for us. And I don't think that it's something that can work for everyone , as much as I wish it could, because I think the world a lot happier. But if, there's abuse or ongoing addiction or criminal activity or all the different craziness that can go on in families, if that's, if those are issues and this type of situation's not a good fit and you've gotta figure out what is, but using your children as.
pawns or any of that, that just can't happen. Not in this type of situation if you things happy and healthy.
I was too afraid. Well, I, it was never an option for me anyway, but I didn't wanna lose Drew and Ryleigh. I didn't want to make them, I didn't wanna fight with them. And I'm just not a good fighter. Like I'm one that'll go okay and just walk away and be like, Y you win. Okay, congratulations. Like,
Like.
I'm just not like you.
I guess I'm emotional lazy too. Like I'm not gonna be the one that just carries it out and just harps on stuff. It's just, it's too draining. But with your kids, I'll say this with mine, entering in new relationships and beginning to thrive and learn learning complicated stuff, one of the beautiful things that my kids have to this day is the fact that they have their relationship with their stepbrothers to the point that one time when we were moving.
None of the dads were available and some of the stepbrothers helped move Drew in. They had to go up three flights of stairs with a sofa. While I'm standing at the top going, pivot,
Pivot. I can No one found it funny. I thought it was great. Like I was having the best. It was hilarious. Like, but it's one of those moments that goes, wow, life cannot look messy if you just allow it.
Like you said, time grace, allow it to happen. Welcome the other person in. You know, I can't, they've, their stepmother has been great to them. We call it bonus mom because that's what she is like, I'm not the cooker she is. So I'm like, huh, if y'all want some your favorite meal. Go call Carla, like,
yeah, she'll get it right up for you. You know, I'll order you something, but that's just not my passion. You know, I can make you something pretty like, yeah. and she can cook for you. So you have the best of both worlds. Okay. So you've taken everything you've walked through, not just the highlights, but the hard parts too, and turn it into something meaningful, both in your personal growth and in ways that you show up for others.
That kind of transformation creates a ripple effect, and I'd love to explore how that's played out in your life. So looking back, what have you learned about yourself through the journey of co-parenting and starting over The main thing that I've learned that I should have already known ahead of time, but that life is tough and you just have to be tougher.
mm-hmm.
The time between September, 2018 and December, 2020, so that, that time span absolutely kicked my tail. Mm-hmm. My marriage took a turn that I don't think anyone that I didn't see coming for sure.
I don't know if anyone saw coming. It, well, maybe one or two people saw it coming. But also during that time, I had a cancer scare that took a few months to kind of figure out and reconcile. Mm-hmm. There was a six month time span in there where my dad, we had to move him into assisted living. He had Parkinson's and dementia, and then we had to move home for hospice.
And then he passed away. COVID was happening during that time. So that was a, you know, bold and creative twist on life. My job was suffering because of all these personal crises that were happening. I was actually the Chamber of Commerce president during this time also, so I had like this civic duty to my community that I was trying to harbor, and it was a lot to try to figure out and.
It's a small town. So I felt like everyone was talking about it. And in truth, probably no one was talking about it and no one cared. But you know, in your mind you think like everyone, if I someone sees me, they're gonna be thinking about blah, blah, blah. And, and what's what also broke my heart too is like knowing however bad I felt like my life was at that moment.
That there are people that have it so much worse. And that's also terrible. 'cause you think, I feel the worst I've ever felt in my life, but my children are healthy. Mm-hmm. You know, I'm healthy. I didn't know, there's a little time where I didn't know if I was, but, but I'm healthy. My children are healthy and there's people who have it so much worse.
And, but also learn that pain is relative. Healing is personal. You can't really put a timeline on it, you just gotta let it happen. But that for the most part, I can survive hard things. What is the quote you've gotten through every single hard thing in your life so far? I mean, because we're still here and I can do those things without my children really becoming none the wiser because for the most part, their lives remained as unchanged as possible.
They still saw their dad almost every day, partially because he worked at the school that they attended. So their, that was, that did make it easier for them to have that contact with him every day. And I wanted them to have that. We maintained open lines of communication for the most part. Now, that doesn't mean that when they went to his house, when it was his night or his weekend, that I didn't completely just fall
come on and collapse.
And I know sometimes my neighbors probably heard that primal scream and thought someone's getting murdered next door. I screamed in my closet a lot. I cried in my closet a lot, just buried my face in the clothes and just screamed, you know, because I had just had to. Held it all in while my kids were there.
And then once they left I just release, you know? So I cried myself to sleep a lot during that time, but I managed to survive it. And even with a little bit of sense of humor, 'cause humor's my defense mechanism and that's probably not the healthiest thing, but I'm not gonna, I'm not gonna let that go. So, that's the main thing I learned.
I could do hard things. We can all do hard things. You just gotta buckle down and do it.
right? Well, I hit the unfortunate time of my divorce when topics was a thing.
I was so thankful. This, I think topics maybe had just gone away and I was very, very thankful that that
and I would read the most absurd things about myself and I'd be like, oh, I really wish I was having all this fun, but really I am going to red box, rent the max amount of movies, popcorn, ice cream, running a lot. Yes, I'm gaining weight because, or losing weight only because I'm running all the time because I have to get my, you know, frustration and stuff that out because I missed my kids.
Yeah. It hurt and it sucked. And dropping them off always at the first involved me crying, holding it together, like he said, getting home screaming. I had to reset by going and living with my mom in the house that I was raised in. Humbled so, and then trying to, you know, purchase my house for myself and then get all the things again.
It was just, it was really hard. It sucked. Yeah. It wasn't what I wanted to do in that stage of my life. It was essential. I'm glad I did it. But yeah, topics was a stupid, stupid thing that happened and I just learned a laugh about it. And so I created a person on topics and I would respond and that become my fun little way.
Well, I heard this, I heard, I heard that. She's awesome And it just became a banter for me of releasing and then just, but it really helped me go, you know what? None of this matters. Like, who cares? The only thing that matters is Drew & Ryleigh they don't know what topics is. Yeah. So whatever. Who cares? Go on with life.
I always kind of wonder if anyone's ever said anything to them. I've never asked. I'm afraid to ask. What do you know? Exactly. What do you think
Right,
You know, 'cause I, at some point there will be a time to have that conversation, but um, I always just kind of wonder.
Had that, I had that conversation with the kids when they started getting into relationships and just, you know, like, what do you think happened? Here's what actually happened. And, and, and I, I told them early on, you're going to evolve through life.
You don't know who you are yet. I don't fully know who I am. I am still becoming, I'm still alive. So I'm still learning things about myself, and I'm also still getting rid of mindsets that were instilled in me by certain people, you know, growing up in life that maybe I don't align with personally anymore.
And learning to, change those boundaries for myself. So you're always evolving, have grace with the other person as well, because that's one of the things that I really recognize that I didn't do right, having grace with myself to change. Who would've thought I got married at 21. That was way too early, but, and my kids now they're 22 and 19, they're like, why would you do that?
And I'm like, yeah, don't do that. That was young. I didn't know who I was. But learning those things to, you're gonna always change. You're always gonna have other influences come into your life. You're gonna grow, you're gonna go off to college. Your cha, your thoughts are gonna be challenged even more. You know?
That's the purpose of college. Yeah. To make you think at a higher level. And if you come from backgrounds, I came from backgrounds where, my parents barely went through high school. My dad didn't. He dropped out in the eighth grade. He couldn't read or write. So learning to be challenged on those things and let those other influences, but some of those things I had to say, no, I don't believe that way.
So it's navigating that and having grace with the other person as well. They come from a different lifestyle of you. You come from different backgrounds. There's just different dynamics. And having grace. So one of the things that I find beautiful about you amongst all the others is that you helped co-found Camp College right here at Arkansas Northeastern College, such an incredible initiative.
What inspired you to step into that role, and how has that experience shifted the way you see what families truly need when it comes to everyday support and stability?
So Camp College is a little side project that we. Did here at work. I have a co-founder, Melissa Arledge, and we brought it up because we had staff members who were stressed about what they were gonna do with their kids for the summer. Because while we have excellent pre-K we have excellent daycares here.
Once your kids start kindergarten here, there's, really limited on resources of what to do with them in the summer. And I was also going through this with my own children, 'cause I don't have family here and Ben works in the summer and like most people do. And so we were like, what do we do with our kids?
And we thought, you know what, we do summer camps here already. Let's come up with some sort of enrichment program. And it's still, right now it's a pilot program this summer and it is specifically for the. Children of faculty and staff. It's not open outside of a NC faculty and staff. And I don't know if that it ever will be just because of the resources.
We've kind of limited on our resources to run it, but it has been a way to provide support to our, to the people that work here. 'cause we were encouraged several years ago to start recruiting younger talent. I think at the time, maybe no one was under the age of 30 or something at when the Yeah, at, we changed that now because we've gone out and recruited younger talent.
But when that happened, you've got people who are starting their families. You've got young mothers and young fathers and things like that. And so they were all starting to, my kids start in kindergarten this year. What am I gonna do with 'em next summer? I'm gonna have to find a different job. We were running the risk of losing really good talent if we didn't come up with some sort of solution.
So we started Camp College this summer. It's for. Most of the kids are in between the ages of six and 11. It's a daily summer enrichment program. They get signed in in the morning, they do different activities throughout the day. We wanna make sure that they read every day. We wanna make sure that they write every day.
We wanna make sure that they get some sort of physical exercise every day. But it's just a safe environment. You know, the main two things that we wanted was to make sure that the kids were safe and that they were entertained.
Mm-hmm.
And so that's what we started. And just as a tool for parents who work here, I love that. and it's very, very affordable. You'll die when I, we charge 25 bucks a week. Wow.
They do have to bring their own, but we provide snack. You know, we use that money to buy supplies. We may go on a little excursion. We've taken them down to Wilson. We've done some things like that just to give them a safe and fun place to come every day.
And. It just kind of helps relieve the parents a little bit so that they have someplace safe to,
That is awesome. And it helps them interact with other kids that they wouldn't get to interact with,
That's what's really cool. I think we've got about 15 kids signed up total. Maybe 16. They don't all come at the same time. There are some that there's different contracts that are going on and that, but, I think there's six 15 kids and there's like seven different school districts represented.
Wow. Yeah, it's really kind of cool how it worked out. We've got, you know, and it's kids who would not have known each other otherwise. It's some of, I mean, I've gotten to even know some of the parents through this a little bit that I didn't know before because we work in different departments , and all that.
So it's really been. A cool little pilot program that we are real. I'm really proud of it. Melissa and I both every day were like, I can't believe we pulled this off. You know? Yes. But we had really great support from our administration Mm-hmm.
who didn't really, not gonna say like, they were real excited about the project in the beginning.
They were like, well, okay. I don't know. But they let us do
Mm-hmm.
They just trusted us to let us do it and let us try. And now it's like, oh, this is, this is fantastic. And it's been a big, huge help. It's been help to me. I'm not gonna lie. I mean, it's partially selfish reasons for doing it. 'cause I needed a place for my kid to go to.
He spent last summer at home by himself probably playing video games, like 16 hours a day. And I just thought, I'm not doing that again. His little brain is mush, so we're gonna do something
right And so it's provided a really, it's provided some fun for the kids and not, you know, in the beginning they were super excited.
Now it starts to feel a little more like school toward the end of the summer, but it's just two months. It runs throughout June and July, and then we'll assess at the end of the summer and figure out what changes we need to make and hopefully get to offer it again next summer.
I love that. I love how a NC is always innovative. You guys are topnotch top tier on bringing things to the community that. Not just for your own staff, but for others as well. Like I remember back in the day when my kids were little, they would come to like cooking classes here and it would just give them something else to do.
Luckily my mom was well enough where she was able to keep my kids for me, so she would bring them and stuff like that. But it, it is a need in our community. It is very, when you have two parents working, there's not that mom on the block that's watching everybody anymore. Like it was when we were growing up, running up and down the block streetlights.
Right. Be home before they, yeah. And that's just how we were raised. Riding your bike around, that is absurd to think that that could exist in today's culture, but that you guys are offering that and them getting to interact, like you said, different schools. That's really cool. That's people they would've probably never met before, right.
And I, I love it. Like I said, I'm really proud of it. It's probably one of the projects I'm most proud of to be, to be a part of.
One thing about you, Courtney, is that you're very involved in our community. You're involved in our schools, you're involved in our chamber, you're involved in a NC. So in what ways has being a mother shaped how you lead, whether in your career, your community work, or everyday life?
You mentioned patience earlier, and that's the main thing that it has taught me. It has taught me patience and understanding. Some people will tell you I'm not super patient, but I try, I'm a lot more patient than I used to be. I know that for sure. But it also helps me set my priorities because I do everything in my power not to miss my kids' events.
Mm-hmm. If there's any way possible, if I'm in charge of planning something, like there's several events that I'm in charge of playing stuff here, I'm gonna check their schedules first and see what's going on, and I'm gonna plan around it. Mm-hmm. Mainly right now it's Patrick's games because he's the one that's involved in the most organized activities.
But I always look and I will plan things around that if possible, and I'm not gonna apologize for doing that. Me being there for them means everything to me. In my former life as a coach's wife, I spent a lot of time with kids whose parents did not show up for them, and it, it broke my heart. I mean, it would be senior night and every year for like five years, I walked at least one kid out for senior night because no one was there to walk 'em out.
And I'm not gonna do that. And I see what happens. We all see, we live in a community where there's, there are areas where there's not enough parental involvement, and we see what happens, but the aftermath of that is, and so I'm gonna be there for my kids. I'm going to be there as much as I can, and I'm not gonna apologize for it.
And I luckily, we, I have a boss now that's, he's the same way, and he's, he understands and that's not always been the case. That's not always been the standard. I think now that is starting to become more the standard in the workplace, and I'm very thankful for that. But I'm also very thankful for the flexibility that I have here to allow me to do things in the community with my children even to do this.
You know, I'm very thankful for flexibility. That means more to me than, I mean, we'd all, obviously, we'd all love more money and there are places that I could go and work and make more money, but I'm not gonna have that flexibility. And so I am very thankful and I use that to be a better parent.
Right. I think that culture and generational shift was much needed Yes. In our workplaces, and it's still, there's still work to be done, but I love seeing that it's, it is changing. So during the harder moments, what helps you stay hopeful and keep moving forward?
there were a few people. Of course your family and friends are always gonna be there to help you and they're supportive. But, my former boss was even really supportive. He kind of got wind of all and would come and check on me, and he's, I just need you to keep moving forward.
mm
Even if you have to crawl, even if, you know, he doesn't have to be a sprint, you just have to move forward.
You cannot lay down, stop. You've just got to keep moving. And then my faith helped me a lot, uh, my pastor a lot during this time and he would check on me and I told him that I could tell that God was part of this healing process because I could tell that my prayers were starting to shift. 'cause in the beginning, you pray, I pray that he changes his mind.
I pray that he comes back. I pray we get back together. I pray we stay together. You know, you pray for all these sort of things. And then I found myself, I pray for strength to move forward when. In this new role, in this new life. So you could tell like, okay, that there's a shift happening here. You know, you're just, kids are okay.
You're not praying for this one particular thing to come back together. You know, you're praying for strength to move forward when it doesn't. And so I could, I could feel that, you know, I could feel that happening and that strength coming from that faith.
I think a lot of this unmasking for me has come now that my kids are gone and flown, I can finally let go of keeping it all together
Yeah. Awesome.
a daily basis and heal some things. I'm, I started healing some childhood trauma that happened to me 35 years ago. Yeah. That I should have already faced by now, but I was too terrified of what healing that would do to me during the raising them process and didn't want them to be on a therapist's couch.
Yeah. One day because of how I acted. Yeah. Or reacted, but, and. Plugging into those resources, like you said, the pastors, your faith, your friends, therapists that you can just go and kind of like dump it on. Yeah. And know they're not gonna think anything less of you. You know, you can like release the mask, show the ugly, show them the messed up makeup show.
The hair is crazy. Show it. Life's not together. I don't have it perfect, but I'm trying, I'm showing up trying, I'm showing, I'm refusing to camp. And that has been my whole process throughout these 16 years is I don't want to camp in it if I can't show that I've grown in some way for me personally, to benefit my kids to be courageous so that they can be courageous to say the things that need to be said in a nice, elegant way.
You know, not being ugly about it, but just to give that hope. To other people. Like that's part of this process and part of what we need to all be doing for one another. So were there any specific resources, people, or tools that helped you navigate those ups and downs for co-parenting?
I really wish that I could, like, say I read this book and it was incredible, but I'm not a big reader, especially if it's anything that's useful. I read, I read Junk and Trash and about New York Socialite and other dumb stuff. So, I think my gut instinct was probably my biggest tool and again, I wish I could be like, oh, read this series.
It's very helpful. I don't have that. no, I would say mine was like, mm, watching what others did wrong and go, Ooh, I'm not gonna do that. Yes, that is, that's, yes, that's actually. I'm not gonna do it that way.
I remember somebody saying something like, was I, I was like, I learned a lot from you. And really what I learned was what not to Yes. So, yes, I, I learned a lot by watching you. As a matter of fact, you were inspirational. You're very helpful. You taught me what not to do. So
So if another parent came to you feeling overwhelmed and stuck in this messy middle of their own story,
what's the one piece of advice you'd want them to hear?
think about what is in the best interest of the kids, because they are not pawns, they are not bargaining chips, they are not be used for strategy. They are humans who are not going to understand the adult intricacies of divorce and separation. Mm-hmm. And they're gonna be hurting too, because their worlds are about to unravel.
So you do your best to keep the divorce or the separation. Out of the co-parenting, which sounds crazy because one is a direct effect. It's a cause and effect situation. But they can be separate. And you just got to keep your, do your best to keep those two things separate. And it's hard and it probably seems a little
impossible, but it actually can be done if you just allow it to be.
early on when the kids were really young because we divorced when our kids were very young. One of the things I would always say to my kids is, who loves you the most in all the world? And my kids would say, mommy and daddy. And so that would be the driving force, like every time, like, who loves you more than anybody else?
Like, if nobody can love you more than who, then mommy and daddy. Like, that was just their chant back to me. But I wanted that. Them to know you weren't the reason. You're actually the reason we do chose to do it differently. Yeah. So that you didn't have to go through the messiness. That probably would've been there.
Okay. So as we end, I'm super excited about this question 'cause you're involved in so much like this is, this is the one I've been hyped for. There's one question I love to ask each of our inspiring change makers who share their heart with us. Can you share a moment when a small act of kindness, either something you gave or received, left a lasting impact on you?
I love Randall Acts of kindness. I like to do them back for my 40th birthday. I don't, uh, for my 40th birthday I spent, which was almost nine years ago, I. Spent, I don't know what that's gonna sound like over the mic. It'll
It'll be fun.
I spent the month of November, which is my birthday month, and doing 40 random acts of kindness around, and they were
That's so
Well, and they weren't anything big. They were tiny. It might've been like leaving a flower on somebody's car or leaving the correct change of the vending machine or something like that. But I just, you know, or leaving little notes or even paying for the coffee behind me or whatever. Just, so I spent the month, my birthday month, that was my 40th birthday gift to myself.
But then, also it was a couple years ago, we used to do the angel trick , at Blytheville for Christmas. And I loved doing that. And we picked a kid and we got all the gifts and everything on it. But then, I stuck $20. You know, for two, a little kid that, that would be, that would be one. Right now, to me, it'd be a lot.
But I put $20 in an envelope in with their gift and, and a list of a hundred random acts of kindness that are free. But the note said, here's $20 for you to go buy a gift for someone else, because while getting gifts, super fun, giving gifts is so much better. So take this money and do whatever you want to buy a gift, help pay a bill, donate it, do whatever you want to with it.
But in the event that you don't have $20, here's a hundred random the acts of kindness that you can do for free. So you don't always have to have money to be kind. Mm-hmm. You don't always have to have money to be helpful. Mm-hmm. So that was something that I was kind of proud of myself for coming up with it.
You know, she. gosh. You should do a Ted talk. Oh, we need a Courtney talk. I dunno. I love
like three people listen to that probably. But then like this morning though, actually I got a text from someone we all know and love LaRay, and she sent me just a random text this morning that just said, Hey, hope you have a great day. And I, we talk periodically, not every day, not as much as I would like, but it was just like, oh. And I did end up having to call later about something, bank related. And she, I was like, thank you for my text this morning. She's like, you were on my mind, so I just wanted to let you know. And I thought, that's so special.
Mm-hmm.
Let people know when you're thinking about, so I try to do that. I try to be more cognizant of that now.
Mm-hmm. If I'm thinking of someone, I will text them and say, Hey, but I've learned from people like LaRay and just things like that. Like just you're thinking people reach out to 'em. When someone crosses your mind, there's a reason. Reach out to them. Show up with,
And show up with kindness everywhere you throw it like glitter.
Yes. Robin Williams said that We're all hurting. We're all hurting. And when we recognize that and we show up with kindness intentionally can make our world a more beautiful place.
Well, and it's hard to remember that sometimes because
Yes.
you know, we're all in our stuff. We're all in our stuff all the time. And you go somewhere and maybe you get poor service, poor customer service, and you get really mad. And then I try to sit back and think, you know what? I don't know what that person, I Mm-hmm. don't know what happened to them this morning.
I don't know what's going on in their lives. 'cause I know there was a time when I probably wasn't given the best service at work 'cause I had a Mm-hmm. Bunch
stuff going on. So I'm trying to be, I was just trying to get you processed and moved on. Like
I'm just, yeah. I'm just trying not to get fired today. Yeah. get Yes. so I can not add one more thing to my list of things that are going wrong in my life. So So.
I love it. Well, Courtney's story is such a powerful reminder that healing doesn't always come wrapped in closure. It often shows up in the quiet decision to choose peace one day at a time. And I'll add there too. Patience. So here's my question for you to reflect on this week.
In what ways are you protecting peace in your parenting? Not just for your kids, but for yourself? And is there a place where that piece is asking to be prioritized more?
Here on Unmasking the Heart for Change. We believe that every guest who shares their truth with us leaves a lasting imprint, not just on this platform, but on every soul who listens. So as a token of our gratitude, we wanted to give you a little piece of our heart, something to remember that your story matters and that your impact is real.
I have created for you a journal that says, never let anything dull your sparkle. It has your name on it.
Thank you.
Journaling is one of my favorite practices because it, it's like giving your thoughts, permission to sit in the room with you. There's something powerful about seeing them there no longer tangled up in your mind, but laid out in front of you.
And for me, there's such a deep sense of freedom and clarity that comes with that. So thank you so much, Courtney, for being here with us and showing us that co-parenting isn't about getting it all perfect. It's about choosing peace, it staying connected, and leading with love.
Do you or someone you know have a powerful story of change to share? I'd love to hear from you. You can apply to be a guest by visiting our Facebook page or clicking the link in the show notes. Your journey might be exactly what someone else needs to hear right now. And finally, if this episode spoke to your heart, please subscribe.
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Remember, change begins with in and it starts one heart to heart at a time. See you guys next time. Thanks so much. Bye.