Hey friends, and welcome back to Unmasking the Heart for Change. I'm your host, Tammy Winstead, and today I'm sitting here unfiltered once again unpackaging some of the hardest truths I've had to face within myself.
This episode is deeply personal. It's not about anyone else's journey but mine because the truth is the lies we believe have power, and for a long time, I let them rule me.
Before we dive in today, I wanna say thank you. We've had so many incredible people reach out about being guests on future shows. We're in the process of getting all those interviews scheduled as time allows, I cannot wait to release those powerful stories in the shows ahead.
So if you've reached out, thank you. Your courage matters, and we're honored to help unmask those stories soon.
Let me start this episode by asking you this. Have you ever walked into a room and immediately started shrinking?
Not because anyone told you to, but because somewhere along the way, a lie whispered, "you take up too much space". Yeah, that lie was told to me too. Trying to live by that lie almost buried the real me beneath everyone else's expectations. The longer I believe that lie, the more I faded inside and it nearly cost me, me.
And today I'm here to call it out for what it is A LIE. One that tried to silence me, contain me, and make me question the very parts of myself that were never meant to be small.
The first lie, we're unmasking today is a lie that "you're too much".
The truth: you're not too much. You're just in rooms that are too small for your purpose and calling.
Whew, that mental reframe, it shook me and I hope it shakes you too.
For years, I believed I had to dim my light talk less. Laugh quieter, be smaller, more digestible. I told myself not to ask too many questions 'cause people found that threatening and not to engage too much with people because some found it annoying.
But the truth is, I wasn't too much. I just hadn't yet found the space that matched my purpose. So how did I break free? Well, I simply stopped asking people to validate the space I took up, and I started asking God where he wanted me to be planted instead.
I leaned into the rooms where my presence wasn't just tolerated, but welcomed. And I stopped apologizing for the fire and light within me and started fueling it with boundaries and boldness.
What happened next completely blew me away. Doors started opening. I never even knocked on. I found myself being invited to tables. I once felt unworthy of and even began being talked about in rooms I didn't know existed.
And the good kind of talk too, the talk that involves people aligning with you to advance your purpose.
Why did all this start happening? Because I finally gave myself permission to show up as me, for myself to be fully, freely, and unapologetically me.
So if you've been shrinking, let me offer you this. Maybe you're not too loud, too curious, too bright. Maybe you've just outgrown the space you're in, and that's not your fault, but it is your responsibility to stop shrinking for people who never saw your full potential anyway.
Once I stopped believing that lie, I found my voice. And that voice is what you're hearing today. But the truth is that wasn't the only lie I had to unmask. Let's talk about another one.
This next lie is closely tied to the last one, but it deserves its own moment because it kept me quiet for far too long.
The lie was, "if I speak up, I'll lose people". The truth is, when you speak up, you find your people the right people. I used to believe that voicing my thoughts, needs, or boundaries would make me too difficult to love that if I told my truth, people would walk away. And you know what some did, but what I didn't realize back then was staying silent was costing me something far more valuable. It was costing my soul, and cutting me off from the person I was created to be. Here's what helped me break free.
I started small. I began speaking up in safe places. Journaling first, then trusted friends. Friends. Then louder when needed. I reminded myself that peace isn't found in people pleasing. It's found in truth telling and the truth is. I lost people, but I gained peace and peace. It's priceless these days. I guard it fiercely because I fought too hard to get it.
So if you're afraid to speak up, let me encourage you with this. The right people won't leave you when you find your voice. They'll lean in. They'll stay. They'll see you. Not the version of you molded by fear, but the real you.
And speaking of fear, let's talk about another lie. I had to unmask the lie of "if I ask for help, I'm weak." Phew. This one still tugs at me. Let me just say it before someone else does. I haven't mastered this one yet. I'm still unlearning it, but here's what I know to be true so far.
I grew up thinking I had to carry everything on my own. Be the strong one. Hold it together, fix it for everyone else. Over time, I learned carrying it all doesn't make you strong. It makes you exhausted and isolated. I used to think asking for help was an admission of failure. Now I see it for what it really is.
A declaration of strength, a doorway to connection, and most importantly, an invitation to healing. Because healing doesn't happen in hiding. It happens in community. And connection can't grow without honesty. Here's what helped me shift. I started saying "I need help" out loud. Even when it felt uncomfortable, I gave myself grace for not being able to do it all.
And I reminded myself that being the strong one doesn't mean being the only one. So if you're listening to this and still carrying it all, just know you don't have to prove your worth by surviving alone.
Let someone hold a piece of it with you. You're still strong when you need support.
And now while we're on the topic of strength and worth, let's unpack another lie. I lived under far too long.
The lie that I have to carry the weight of what others did to me. That letting go means losing, and silence means weakness.
The truth is you're not responsible for their actions only your healing.
Forgiveness is how you set yourself free, not how they get away with it. Letting go isn't weakness. It's wisdom, and you don't have to keep knowing someone just because you once did.
Let's unmask it.
Let's talk about reaping and sowing, because this isn't just a cute little quote for your Pinterest board. It's a principle, it's a rhythm of life. If you're standing in a field you don't like, plant better seeds. The life you're experiencing right now might be growing from seeds of survival, fear, resentment, or neglect with good news, you don't have to keep harvesting from that same field.
You can choose to plant peace, boundaries, rest. Love and truth, and you can start today. We can't always control the storms of life, and we definitely can't control what others say, do, twist or assume about us, but we can control the soil we're cultivating.
And here's the secret, if you let it take root. It'll grow. The seeds we plant today shape the peace we walk in tomorrow. That's exactly how I got through it. I started being intentional about what I was planting. I stopped overwatering relationships that weren't bearing fruit.
I started investing in myself choosing honesty, boundaries, rest and kindness. Even when no one else clapped for it. And then I stand back and let Karma does what it does. Not outta spite not to watch someone else fall, but because healing myself gave me the emotional space to let go and trust that life teaches us all the lessons we need eventually.
The truth is what they did to me isn't mine to carry, but my healing, yeah, that's mine. I can't control others, but I can control how I show up. I can decide whether I respond at all. And sometimes the most powerful thing you can say is nothing. Some people aren't worth your reaction and they're certainly not owed an explanation for your peace. That brings me to forgiveness, especially the kind we give to people who never ask for it.
Hmm. Forgiveness isn't about them. It's about freedom for you. I chose to forgive, not because they deserved it, but because I do. I refuse to stay chained to bitterness that isn't mine to hold. And once I forgive, I normalize unknowing people, not for hate, but for healing. Sometimes the healthiest boundary you can set is emotional distance.
I gave myself permission to stop knowing people, not to punish them, but to protect me because the access they once had, it was costing me my clarity, and I'm no longer available for confusion masked as connection. So if you're listening right now, let me challenge you two. Look at the seed you're sowing.
And ask yourself, is this producing peace? Is this connection growing me or draining me? Am I watering weeds or cultivating worth?
But the truth is, friend, you get to choose. And healing starts with what you choose to plant next in your life.
As we wrap up today, I want to leave you with this question. What's a lie? You've been caring for far too long and what truth is ready to take its place? Take a moment, write it down. Say it out loud.
Share it with someone who sees the real you, and then ask yourself, what's one small step I can take today to start walking in that truth? Because real change doesn't require perfection. Just the courage to take one honest step forward.
Friends, if you've made it this far. Thank you. Thank you for holding space for this truth filled heart heavy conversation. My hope is that something in this episode gave you permission to unmask your own story. To loosen the grip of the lies that have held you back.
And to step boldly into the healing that you deserve. And hey, if you're listening, thinking I've got a story too, I would love to hear it. We're always looking for real raw and redemptive stories from people just like you, no matter where you're at in the journey process.
You can sign up to be a guest by clicking the link in our episode notes or by going to the link pinned at the top of our Facebook page. Your story could be the exact encouragement someone else needs to hear right now.
Until next time, keep unmasking. Keep planting peace and keep showing up as a beautiful whole healing version of yourself. And remember, change begins with in and it starts one heart to heart at a time. See you guys on the next one. Thanks so much. Bye.